Roderick on the Line

Ep. 229: "Elves with Clipboards"


  this episode of rock on the line is [TS]

  brought to you by cards against humanity [TS]

  they asked us son not to read an ad so [TS]

  hey just enjoy the show [TS]

  hello hi John [TS]

  Merlin how's it going oh good many joys [TS]

  of the season to you [TS]

  Oh Sees enjoys to you to season joys of [TS]

  the season to you [TS]

  Oh Berlin man Merlin Pam early and then [TS]

  who's got a beard that used to be there [TS]

  i'm not sure if it is there must be [TS]

  Roderick must be Roderick Claus [TS]

  ding-ding-ding-ding-ding goal depressing [TS]

  time of year it's called and we have in [TS]

  our fierce gee-gees psychosomatic [TS]

  sniffles every morning just because it's [TS]

  something you feel doesn't mean that it [TS]

  is real MVP em sniffing all the way you [TS]

  sign with your family at Christmastime [TS]

  teasing [TS]

  yes well yes yes we do [TS]

  okay wrap it up yeah my child my [TS]

  daughter sing some things but she's not [TS]

  a christmas carol singer I don't think [TS]

  you get Christmas carols jammed down [TS]

  your gullet quite like we did as kids [TS]

  not that that's a bad thing but I don't [TS]

  think I mean like she knows the tunes [TS]

  and she can come along but like she's [TS]

  not like a christmas carol person [TS]

  yeah my my kid is into him and you know [TS]

  I can't explain it at i was thinking [TS]

  about this uh just yesterday the same [TS]

  thing you're talking about which is that [TS]

  Christmas was really really stuffed up [TS]

  our noses in the seventies and eighties [TS]

  and i think it was like all it's like [TS]

  even at school even or especially at [TS]

  school you know had a secular school [TS]

  even like Christmas was hit for like [TS]

  weeks you made things out of paper [TS]

  plates and you're saying [TS]

  the songs and there was there wasn't a [TS]

  winter concert there's a Christmas show [TS]

  you say business and you liked it [TS]

  yes she did and there was the evenin [TS]

  even in secular school right a a picture [TS]

  of the one star shining down on the [TS]

  manger link the little baby and there's [TS]

  a lot of that link but her but you know [TS]

  where we're remembering a time when [TS]

  there were only three television [TS]

  stations and and yeah and there were [TS]

  like there was like the newspaper I mean [TS]

  media was really was really constrained [TS]

  and you couldn't opt-out and so I I but [TS]

  I was I was realizing this because i was [TS]

  looking at my kid than the day before [TS]

  Christmas and it was like well [TS]

  tomorrow's Christmas and she her [TS]

  reaction was like oh [TS]

  tomorrow's Christmas why are you using [TS]

  me know just sort of like she was coming [TS]

  the lower idioms today John I kept my [TS]

  orders talked about since sep tember [TS]

  well I yeah I just feel like I what I [TS]

  thought about it I realized like well [TS]

  you know would I don't have a TV [TS]

  yeah now since that's a really good [TS]

  point you know the heavy there's hardly [TS]

  any Christmas and all well and and you [TS]

  know we walked around here trees and [TS]

  stuff [TS]

  the tree but we haven't really i didn't [TS]

  take her to see The Nutcracker like some [TS]

  of that stuff I that I wanted to do I [TS]

  just kind of forgot like Christmas [TS]

  sneaks up on you you know the exact [TS]

  punishment and I was like oh shit i [TS]

  meant to take her to the Nutcracker i [TS]

  meant to be a good dad [TS]

  we were at the mall for a completely [TS]

  separate reason early in december and [TS]

  and we're walking along and she's kind [TS]

  of doing her thing where she's like a [TS]

  look at this and you turn rocks over [TS]

  like look there's a crab and I'm like in [TS]

  the mall but she finds them and then I [TS]

  look up and I realized holy shit Santa's [TS]

  here already and she couldn't see him i [TS]

  could see I couldn't see him either but [TS]

  we were behind he's usually obscured [TS]

  yeah but but but but there were else [TS]

  they're elves all sure and they were [TS]

  elves little smoke [TS]

  fire right yeah right they were elves [TS]

  with clipboards in the mall and you know [TS]

  that that bodes ill mhm because it if [TS]

  there's not a Santa bear they're taking [TS]

  names for something that's a different [TS]

  time things have really changed so i [TS]

  immediately try to outdo careful then [TS]

  else making a list that's almost say [TS]

  today see right see Santa makes the list [TS]

  snow elves are making lists oh my god [TS]

  you're right what do you call that [TS]

  mhm so so I really well with all the [TS]

  runs the Afghan guerlain use the it's [TS]

  the day the elf cried so so I i want to [TS]

  look around just want to bring them joy [TS]

  in their last moments like who [TS]

  alright sounds evidence of a media also [TS]

  have clipboard and accreditations [TS]

  cracking my I grabbed her by the [TS]

  shoulders [TS]

  she's looking at you looking at the the [TS]

  crabs and I grabbed her and I say [TS]

  sweetheart i should wait hold it hold it [TS]

  let the crab co my crap skitters off i'm [TS]

  a sweetheart listen [TS]

  Santa's here it's like discovering you [TS]

  just realize that John Wayne Gacy is [TS]

  there and you're like honey i would [TS]

  explain a lot of things very quickly [TS]

  honey alright okay Shh and and it's and [TS]

  the thing is it's like evening at the [TS]

  mall and the mall is kind of empty right [TS]

  there's not like a huge line of people [TS]

  to see Santa [TS]

  it's just it's kind of an empty mall and [TS]

  so I grabbed her and I'm like sweetheart [TS]

  around the corner here [TS]

  Santa's here and she was like oh I said [TS]

  yes I know [TS]

  are you ready for this because in the [TS]

  past we've had no typical mixed feelings [TS]

  about st. mall Santas lot from her right [TS]

  not exactly a hundred percent about [TS]

  sitting on the sitting on the need and [TS]

  so I'm like you know let's let's like [TS]

  let's get collected here let's let's get [TS]

  organized and she thinks about it she's [TS]

  like yeah I'm ready I want to see Santa [TS]

  why I'm like all right she's like five [TS]

  or six [TS]

  she's a five-and-a-half so we kind of [TS]

  have a little baseball John that is a [TS]

  ballsy kid and I'm still down on one [TS]

  knee like we're gonna go around this [TS]

  corner and scream then there's going to [TS]

  be Santa she's like all right now I said [TS]

  listen I'm gonna go recognizer you stay [TS]

  here [TS]

  she's like cool so I she see she stated [TS]

  she standing there now that she's not [TS]

  looking not looking any any crabs [TS]

  anymore were were a team were working as [TS]

  a team [TS]

  mm and so I go ahead just looking like a [TS]

  normal everyday mall stroller [TS]

  I'm not a guy I'm just walking i'm [TS]

  looking for a radio shack I'm not [TS]

  somebody that alpha is going to talk to [TS]

  mhm and I walked up and around in a [TS]

  circle the Santa a you know compound and [TS]

  I a judge a that Santa actually is [TS]

  fairly Santa looking he's not you know [TS]

  if he doesn't look like he's on parole [TS]

  10 it looks like like it's actually his [TS]

  beard you know like he it's not this [TS]

  isn't an embarrassing Santa I have some [TS]

  pictures sitting on Santa's lap for the [TS]

  peanut wear the beard is up around his [TS]

  eyes basis to really something you know [TS]

  and the elves are the elves all look [TS]

  like 24 year olds who liked it [TS]

  who got out of color you know there is [TS]

  their own College break and their [TS]

  parents said you have to get a job while [TS]

  you're in college breaking another there [TS]

  they're not professional elves right [TS]

  there they are you get that you get the [TS]

  sense that they're all living together [TS]

  in a trailer and they're having a lot of [TS]

  sex test but they don't give a shit [TS]

  about I mean therefore therefore they're [TS]

  fun kids you know but they're not there [TS]

  their primary thing isn't this attack I [TS]

  walk around there's no other kids no [TS]

  other parents just Santa sitting there [TS]

  and there's absolutely definitely a [TS]

  there's a cultural doesn't divide a [TS]

  cultural wall between the kids elves who [TS]

  are chatting with each other and having [TS]

  fun and the lonely old Santa sitting in [TS]

  the chair with no note there's no elf [TS]

  hanging out [TS]

  them was like okay all right I said I'm [TS]

  scope and he doesn't seem like a creep [TS]

  just you know creep radar so i zoom back [TS]

  around I'm like okay you sure about this [TS]

  and she's like I'm sure I said have you [TS]

  thought about what you want to talk to [TS]

  Sam about she's like a pretty good idea [TS]

  and I said let's go [TS]

  so we whip around the corner and as soon [TS]

  as she sees him she stops cold [TS]

  sounds like you think you're ready for [TS]

  Santa right and I said good here [TS]

  she's like we get a 1 curt nod and then [TS]

  straight in [TS]

  she goes in and Santa start talking to [TS]

  her and santa is a German he speak he's [TS]

  begin with a pretty heavy German accent [TS]

  and I was like all right you know he he [TS]

  moved here because his daughter lives [TS]

  here something and be you know and now [TS]

  he's a nice work in the mall Santa can [TS]

  get past brazil and argentina wouldn't [TS]

  have a pop-up all gonna do that anymore [TS]

  now I know they're going to many more [TS]

  times because the baby because massage [TS]

  i'll find you dang it [TS]

  so the sochi she has a little [TS]

  tete-a-tete with him there like chit [TS]

  chit chat at low tone chicken a squishy [TS]

  and lapped at this point she shoots she [TS]

  gets up on what they sit and talk with [TS]

  her on her feet for a while and then she [TS]

  gets up on the lab tech she takes a a [TS]

  couple of halfway decent pictures which [TS]

  isn't her normal m.o she likes to ruin [TS]

  pictures and and then we're out and [TS]

  she's like the whole rest of December [TS]

  she never once says let's go downtown to [TS]

  the video to the nordstrom Santa where [TS]

  the line to see the Northern Santa is [TS]

  four hours long [TS]

  the crazy thing is that there's a macys [TS]

  Santa also there's a north from Santa [TS]

  Anna Mae see Santa downtown that wait [TS]

  for the nordstrom Santa is seriously [TS]

  four hours long the line goes around the [TS]

  block [TS]

  the customer services that Santa's [TS]

  probably outstanding we know what you [TS]

  can return in how you bring snow tires [TS]

  and sell snow tires in return anything [TS]

  that says it has to Santa has to accept [TS]

  anything that you return [TS]

  yeah and I don't know how I don't know [TS]

  how the north from gets the top Santa I [TS]

  don't even have guided wait in line to [TS]

  see him so maybe he's just maybe got [TS]

  Scouts many meters it could be it could [TS]

  be a thing like you know the up in [TS]

  Anchorage Anchorage has legendarily good [TS]

  striptease artists because there's so [TS]

  much money some so much cash money in [TS]

  Alaska that if you are a legendary [TS]

  striptease performer you want to go to [TS]

  Alaska because that you do chances of [TS]

  somebody just coming off of a fishing [TS]

  boat around gold mine and tipping you [TS]

  like 40 200-dollars in one night you [TS]

  changed a lot better than they are and [TS]

  you know like Boise here Lola Anchorage [TS]

  is where you're headed [TS]

  that's what I'm saying and so maybe a [TS]

  Seattle Nordstrom is like that for [TS]

  Santa's ok ok you know what I by that [TS]

  but crazy it's not like Macy's has a [TS]

  bargain basements and macy's is a big [TS]

  company they have a good Santa no lie no [TS]

  waiting at the macy sent and everybody I [TS]

  talked to was like the kind of like [TS]

  wrinkled her nose like planet may see [TS]

  Santa gonna go to the Nordstrom's and [TS]

  you know not when I was a kid you went [TS]

  to the frederick Nelson Santa but listen [TS]

  i'm getting i'm digressing yeah the [TS]

  problem [TS]

  the point is that from that early Santa [TS]

  experience to the night before Christmas [TS]

  she just was like yeah I know it's [TS]

  Christmas and knits but she didn't have [TS]

  that like completely immersive Christmas [TS]

  thing that we did that by the time [TS]

  Christmas got there you were so hyped up [TS]

  i remember sitting in the living room [TS]

  watching the the tree twinkle on [TS]

  Christmas Eve feeling like some feeling [TS]

  like a wise man was actually gonna like [TS]

  come in through the front door riding a [TS]

  camel you know myself very very real [TS]

  something I felt and [TS]

  imagine you Felton island and trying to [TS]

  tell me stories about my kid but you [TS]

  know something I definitely felt with [TS]

  her this was i gotta be very careful [TS]

  we've been charted about talking to care [TS]

  too much about this topic but this was [TS]

  this was the year for her [TS]

  mmm this is the year of discovery and [TS]

  confirmation my feet like certain the [TS]

  thing right and at first it seemed [TS]

  incredibly like you know well you know [TS]

  whatever no big deal and but then there [TS]

  were a couple like nowadays when you're [TS]

  grieving sometimes it takes a while for [TS]

  it to really hit you know being a lot of [TS]

  stages how to know where at one point [TS]

  there was like an under like 345 year [TS]

  break down low like we haven't seen this [TS]

  since she's really on it was rough she [TS]

  was obviously really struggling with it [TS]

  but I'm trying to say is that like even [TS]

  past the point that I knew things I [TS]

  still kind of felt something like I [TS]

  still meet you know I i remember in [TS]

  particular being whiny when I was like [TS]

  eight I definitely remember we stayed [TS]

  are my uncle's house i was sleeping with [TS]

  my cousins and I just remember like I [TS]

  could not sleep and I had Inklings at [TS]

  that point taken by the time I was like [TS]

  10 or 11 you still know their stuff [TS]

  coming there's the magic in the tree and [TS]

  the traditions and all the stuff anyone [TS]

  you know the things they're still this [TS]

  part of you that like it's like oh my [TS]

  god it's christmas eve this is it [TS]

  mhm right yes god is alive and magic is [TS]

  afoot dealing real quick do you have [TS]

  like a tree set up at your house the [TS]

  treatment she doesn't know if you can [TS]

  see they're comfortable saying it does [TS]

  she get christmas stuff she was like [TS]

  Christmas stuff around at any point this [TS]

  season or was it just didn't come on [TS]

  well as you know as everyone listening [TS]

  knows my daughter has between three and [TS]

  five houses [TS]

  yeah and at my mind Milago she had a [TS]

  building in New York she does she has a [TS]

  house or apartment like como so my mom [TS]

  has a artificial christmas tree that she [TS]

  keeps in the Attic this year and you [TS]

  generally she decorates it exclusively [TS]

  with peach [TS]

  his decorations because she's an 82 year [TS]

  old woman and a peach decorations and [TS]

  then all of the decorations like all the [TS]

  historic historical decorations that i [TS]

  made as a kid and that are in the family [TS]

  so it's a little bit of a hodgepodge [TS]

  because the the bottom you know the [TS]

  balls and stuff are all peach and then [TS]

  there's all this other jumble of [TS]

  meaningful decorations so she put that [TS]

  up and put those little electric candles [TS]

  in the windows a long long time ago [TS]

  early December she she did all that so [TS]

  the trees been there with some like [TS]

  dummy presents under it all month but [TS]

  but she she didn't go those there's no [TS]

  like pine boughs or anything she you [TS]

  know she just did the roof and then it [TS]

  was the new normal right [TS]

  my daughter's mother actually went and [TS]

  got a real Christmas tree because she's [TS]

  fairly sentimental and and put it in the [TS]

  you know moved her furniture and put it [TS]

  in the corner and decorated it and they [TS]

  had that whole thing [TS]

  okay okay so she had it around yeah at [TS]

  my house I found some amazing vintage [TS]

  christmas lights like the big outdoor [TS]

  kind that I intended to put in the blue [TS]

  spruce the giant blue spruce in my front [TS]

  yard and I kept intending to do that [TS]

  every day right up until Christmas and [TS]

  that was another thing like like The [TS]

  Nutcracker I was like you gotta be [TS]

  kidding me it's here already [TS]

  the road is paved with good intentions [TS]

  that was my yeah yeah I haven't even put [TS]

  up the super good christmas lights and [TS]

  now i'm looking at them I'm like well [TS]

  what if i put them up now [TS]

  yeah we'll call it a new year's tree [TS]

  yeah what if I just leave him up all [TS]

  year people get but they're not white [TS]

  they're not decorative like the old [TS]

  school like fat bulbs with the with the [TS]

  high colors [TS]

  yeah hola love those me too i was so [TS]

  glad to get these and so thrilled about [TS]

  like oh yeah but i thought i had enough [TS]

  month to go you know so there's no [TS]

  element of Christmas here other than the [TS]

  fact that daddy's house looks like [TS]

  you're living inside of a Christmas tree [TS]

  ok because they're just sort of [TS]

  ornaments all around them is a good you [TS]

  know so she's a gamer she got up there [TS]

  she talked for a while she got on the [TS]

  lap we were you able to eavesdrop on the [TS]

  Santa discussion did you think you want [TS]

  to stay away let her have her Santa [TS]

  privacy so she got into it right away [TS]

  and I didn't [TS]

  there wasn't a way for me it would be [TS]

  like rude to come over and interrupt [TS]

  this deep you know transaction so [TS]

  afterwards I like you know we had a [TS]

  debriefing so we're walking down the [TS]

  mall [TS]

  she's she seems pretty happy about it I [TS]

  got some good photographs of her and so [TS]

  you know i'm i'm judging it a success [TS]

  that's the second time i've used the [TS]

  word judging you on this podcast that's [TS]

  fine fine holiday season [TS]

  yeah and and so I say so we can talk [TS]

  about she said now you know told him [TS]

  what I wanted for Christmas I was like [TS]

  well you know what were some of those [TS]

  things just kind of you know trying to [TS]

  get in next week and sneak a little [TS]

  sneaky sneaker Rooney and she said you [TS]

  know pretty unselfconsciously well I one [TS]

  else in on a doll and the whole giant [TS]

  souffle just point the because i have [TS]

  done so much laborious work to keep Elsa [TS]

  and honor out to keep them out [TS]

  yeah Elsa and honor are like a like [TS]

  click the like a mustard gas [TS]

  it's like the movie interstellar which [TS]

  finally watched I have a lot of things [TS]

  to say about the that's John but it does [TS]

  not be asked for the dust the dust has [TS]

  arrived and even when you're very [TS]

  careful you know sometimes of course [TS]

  Murphy's gonna forget to close your [TS]

  window [TS]

  you're gonna get dust in the house [TS]

  because does is what we have now and I [TS]

  think that's frozen four [TS]

  doesn't mean frozen is a juggernaut it [TS]

  will let me come at like 16 years ago [TS]

  still there's dust everywhere and it's [TS]

  all set on a dust i'm so glad that [TS]

  you've seen interstellar around looking [TS]

  forward my god [TS]

  to me it was my fourth try welcome we [TS]

  can come back to that i was going to say [TS]

  that Syracuse because he kinda likes it [TS]

  but i might give it to you [TS]

  oh my god yeah well I'm telling you [TS]

  every quivering with anger he yeah i [TS]

  mean i-i think that we I think that we [TS]

  talked about it you did you I i saw on [TS]

  way more of it than i remember having [TS]

  seen I think I blocked it out and online [TS]

  i'm not trying to take you away from all [TS]

  sin on because i want you i know your [TS]

  struggle i went there so let's get back [TS]

  to this I i have been through similar [TS]

  struggles I've seen these similar [TS]

  struggles you see this with lots of [TS]

  liberals and their struggles of various [TS]

  kinds let's say that your liberal but [TS]

  using this alive your lips and you saved [TS]

  us a lot of the whole like it could be [TS]

  if something is good hard as like I is [TS]

  important that my kids looks like it [TS]

  again just to make sure John siracusa he [TS]

  only showed I think especially his son [TS]

  movies that had a female protagonist for [TS]

  most of his childhood which was super [TS]

  interesting idea but look you're gonna [TS]

  get plenty of opportunities to see all [TS]

  minute guys getting to be always be the [TS]

  heroes but you know miyazaki movies [TS]

  they're great movies plus it's like [TS]

  usually about a girl it's not about her [TS]

  trying to find a boyfriend and and [TS]

  there's things like that right other [TS]

  things like I don't go out of my way to [TS]

  expose her to sports boo bad on me she [TS]

  should probably be into the Giants she [TS]

  should like Hunter Pence whatever that [TS]

  is I don't know what is we have a [TS]

  hundred past all the dances with a solar [TS]

  lightness it's horrifying just sits [TS]

  there and twitches all day [TS]

  Hunter Pence is a giveaway at the [TS]

  ballpark now here's the thing but the [TS]

  thing is now you're fighting the the [TS]

  interstellar dust inertia nobody asked [TS]

  for the dust but it's it's I mean like [TS]

  it's everywhere [TS]

  yeah yeah well and and there's a lot i [TS]

  get a lot of pushback from moms let's be [TS]

  honest I spend a lot of time with mom [TS]

  as you know because not because it was [TS]

  your life is a woman for one thing well [TS]

  and and you know and it's not just [TS]

  because they're they've long been a [TS]

  general interest of mine but also [TS]

  because that's my social circle a lot of [TS]

  the time one [TS]

  and also just like you know if I'm i'm [TS]

  not telling myself to be John Lennon but [TS]

  i have an aspect of care things that i [TS]

  do i'm at the school of X at least five [TS]

  times a week [TS]

  absolutely right i know all the moms I [TS]

  Tom we we talk a lot moms moms or image [TS]

  in my life I'm with them right there [TS]

  with you [TS]

  yeah i got a lot of money because else [TS]

  in on our good role models think it's a [TS]

  positive movie I know there's some [TS]

  controversy amongst people about that [TS]

  but is it that like all you can't be [TS]

  against them they're powerful girl [TS]

  models you know it you can't be against [TS]

  them is kind of where it stops and [TS]

  there's a lot of I mean ever since I had [TS]

  a kid there's a lot of that kind of sort [TS]

  of we've talked about this before the [TS]

  the the conventional understanding that [TS]

  certain things are inevitable and it and [TS]

  in partly in there inevitability are [TS]

  also good because since their inevitable [TS]

  it maybe as a mental choice to do to be [TS]

  upset about them since their inevitable [TS]

  with you may as well think they're good [TS]

  and I feel like else in on ya r 2 a 2 [TS]

  starring roles of gals in a Disney movie [TS]

  and they have good songs apparently you [TS]

  know it's like this feeling this feeling [TS]

  of like these are this is there Lady and [TS]

  the Tramp person well into just for [TS]

  folks who haven't heard every single [TS]

  episode there's an interesting angle to [TS]

  this that was like it sounds like was [TS]

  one of your first challenges with this [TS]

  which is like if you don't have a kid [TS]

  and you don't know there's a song from [TS]

  frozen cold let go go go go [TS]

  thats everywhere if i remember correctly [TS]

  your daughter has been seeing that for [TS]

  something like three years now and at a [TS]

  certain point for it and perhaps years [TS]

  she had never heard the actual recording [TS]

  of the song it just kind to her like an [TS]

  interstellar dust to the culture that's [TS]

  that's correct and a lot of the Delta on [TS]

  the stuff came to her just just [TS]

  incidentally and she had never seen the [TS]

  movie until this year and she'd been she [TS]

  been immersed in these characters [TS]

  without really knowing anything about [TS]

  them because every other little [TS]

  I'll have them in their times had a [TS]

  whole article about Star Wars the [TS]

  digital generation of kids that may be [TS]

  kind of the star wars some ancillary me [TS]

  TV shows but there's this whole [TS]

  generation of kids that are super into [TS]

  Star Wars have never seen any of the [TS]

  movies i mean my kids like that she [TS]

  walks around she's like Princess Leia [TS]

  bb-8 and she's got things to say about [TS]

  that [TS]

  Wow but she's never seen anything about [TS]

  a star ever seen Star War not a thing [TS]

  not a one single of those Wars so anyway [TS]

  so I had been and so we finally I I the [TS]

  the initial cave was earlier this year [TS]

  when I was like all right let's watch [TS]

  the movie like I'm I it's just a movie [TS]

  it's not going to pollute her mind with [TS]

  Belson on anymore and I the things I [TS]

  haven't even seen it but my primary [TS]

  objection to it is that clearly else and [TS]

  on our the Grays right there there with [TS]

  this is an episode of our podcast for [TS]

  those of you who haven't listened to [TS]

  every episode yes you should be ashamed [TS]

  first of all but second of all we have [TS]

  this open gonna start start start the [TS]

  beginning and listen listen normal speed [TS]

  normal speed or slower normal speed [TS]

  that's right up so there's certainly [TS]

  6230 episodes you better slow down [TS]

  sunday you are not ready for house [TS]

  Trotter you need to go real slow and [TS]

  understand the appeal of the greys to [TS]

  understand that the greys are in places [TS]

  we had not anticipated doing things we [TS]

  didn't expect it's going to take a [TS]

  little bit of homework on your part [TS]

  shame on you [TS]

  and one of the things one of the things [TS]

  they do is they gradually gradually [TS]

  inoculate us by making our children's [TS]

  dolls look more and more like Grey's [TS]

  everyday they have bigger and bigger [TS]

  eyes weirder shrunken you know sort of [TS]

  exactly knows michael jackson yeah and [TS]

  like spindly limbs with giant heads up [TS]

  that hill and if you take if you take an [TS]

  Elsa hour on a doll [TS]

  they are almost exactly the dimensions [TS]

  of a Barbie doll but if you thought [TS]

  Barbie dolls had weird physical [TS]

  dimensions put on on a doll next to [TS]

  watch i play Barbie hat on to an honor [TS]

  good luck kid [TS]

  do it on the honor the honor doll her [TS]

  head there is English animal heads fifty [TS]

  percent larger than a Barbie head [TS]

  business and her body is like even sort [TS]

  of more weirdly shaped than a been a [TS]

  Barbie she wasn't wearing those drapes [TS]

  I mean I think she pretty much look like [TS]

  I like a coat rack you look like a coat [TS]

  rack with a giant oversized head that it [TS]

  probably does not just just kind of fall [TS]

  over on her body [TS]

  yeah but like really like really she's [TS]

  from a different gravity narrow waist [TS]

  like it impossible narrow waist in any [TS]

  case I objected to the movie just on [TS]

  general principle because I initially [TS]

  the initial exposure i had to this kind [TS]

  of children's toy was a long time ago [TS]

  probably 15 years ago when the [TS]

  children's toy brats first arrived on [TS]

  the scene which was the new Barbie or [TS]

  was touted as the new Barbie and they [TS]

  were like completely they don't they [TS]

  almost had a like a graffiti art quality [TS]

  but they were little they were basically [TS]

  like little girls meant to appeal to [TS]

  little girls and the dolls were just [TS]

  plastered with makeup they were wearing [TS]

  miniskirts and they were it was just [TS]

  like yeah these are these are real and [TS]

  they're and giant heads and tiny bodies [TS]

  it was like these are repulsive sex [TS]

  fetish items like like you remember the [TS]

  soluble I know you did on TV but almost [TS]

  like in the steve madden TV commercials [TS]

  yeah well giants that girl exactly yeah [TS]

  and then start looking at them right now [TS]

  they are in probably narrow looking and [TS]

  and it looks like their eyes got more [TS]

  and more almond d yeah and their heads [TS]

  got bigger and bigger [TS]

  yeah yeah so I so I saw this trend a [TS]

  long time ago and I was like listen [TS]

  we're talking where we're culturally [TS]

  arguing about barbie's a bust for [TS]

  Barbies dimensions as being like [TS]

  unrealistic and in the meantime the the [TS]

  door is cracked open and these freaking [TS]

  sex gnomes are pouring in like mom why [TS]

  and there's nothing we you know we're [TS]

  not even thinking about them were still [TS]

  arguing about barbi and barbi is the [TS]

  least of our worries so so I I objected [TS]

  to first anyway we all sat down we watch [TS]

  frozen and at the end of the movie and I [TS]

  was sitting there doing the thing that I [TS]

  do which is like well that's this is [TS]

  irrelevant to the plot and this next [TS]

  scene is like in compatible with the [TS]

  plot mrs. can't really communicate you [TS]

  know like I mean I know that first of [TS]

  all he's an elk but or arrange your [TS]

  buddy yeah but i also i buy his whole [TS]

  Act I even by olaf the animated snow [TS]

  person but like the whole business of [TS]

  the whole business of Elsa being [TS]

  traumatized by her ability to buy [TS]

  spoiler alert to create ice with her [TS]

  hands you know she's a little bit like [TS]

  the x-men character that causes the [TS]

  blood disorder [TS]

  okay you know what I mean like a [TS]

  leukemia man you don't know the girl the [TS]

  girl that touches people in it [TS]

  any minute give them candy and that's [TS]

  broke you'll grow touches them and they [TS]

  get veins to get fans even if you can't [TS]

  touch her boyfriend she's gotta work [TS]

  gloves [TS]

  she can't touch her boyfriend because [TS]

  it's varicose veins are ya [TS]

  so anyway I'm sitting there you know I'm [TS]

  not grumbling out loud just did my head [TS]

  and I'm not doing it as a way to like [TS]

  cooked form an argument for her i'm just [TS]

  doing it because I can't help myself I'm [TS]

  like this is garbage though that's not [TS]

  fair and then at the very end like the [TS]

  whole message of the sister saves the [TS]

  other sister I'm just not buying it [TS]

  that's the actual plot right i mean it's [TS]

  all all still results always still a [TS]

  prince in this stupid a story anyway we [TS]

  get to the end and i'm very curious and [TS]

  I say darlin [TS]

  we finally now watch frozen what did you [TS]

  think [TS]

  and she went man c- whoa she doesn't [TS]

  even get grades I don't know where she [TS]

  got be a b c d even I don't forget that [TS]

  as a reference point using now is not [TS]

  that is not i think i think a lot of [TS]

  your daughter but that is not what I [TS]

  expected at all [TS]

  it wasn't what I expected either so I [TS]

  reached in [TS]

  like my inner self just rejoiced I was [TS]

  like yes she sees through the shite and [TS]

  then about a week and so for about a [TS]

  week we never heard a word about Elsa [TS]

  and I was like thank God we're done we [TS]

  made it through the other side we never [TS]

  pass through it [TS]

  yep and then she started talking about [TS]

  else annoying him and I i was like wow [TS]

  sweetie why are we talking about some [TS]

  this is like c- these remember c- this [TS]

  is like you don't even like this movie [TS]

  and she said yeah but i mean you know i [TS]

  like else Anana I like the and I [TS]

  realized that she had separated Elsa and [TS]

  on from the actual film in which they [TS]

  star is this is totally know and I mean [TS]

  like not to make this gross but use that [TS]

  phrase like fetish porn [TS]

  thanks very much like that think about [TS]

  you watching something that could be [TS]

  really really dumb better head airplane [TS]

  sent it again I guess it sucked but I [TS]

  mean had lots of airplanes right isn't [TS]

  Bryant kind of similar to that where [TS]

  you're like yeah you can you can any you [TS]

  know she's had time to develop her own [TS]

  like maybe not narratives about this but [TS]

  she had her own like reckons about them [TS]

  in the party I went absolutely has [TS]

  narratives about them they pre-existed [TS]

  in her mind and imagination so much that [TS]

  the movie sort of was irrelevant here [TS]

  absolutely right it was just like now [TS]

  they're animated for a while and she's [TS]

  like mats and basically what she was [TS]

  saying was that movie is not as good as [TS]

  the stories that I come up with about [TS]

  else on Donna like the nelson on a were [TS]

  characters in her life people she knew [TS]

  and so she comes off of this santa thing [TS]

  and she's like I just asked him for [TS]

  Nelson on at all and I and my shoulders [TS]

  slumped because what she was basically [TS]

  saying was you're never gonna I'm never [TS]

  going to give this up until I get a [TS]

  nelson on at all and I will play with [TS]

  them happily father so I'm asking Santa [TS]

  for now and you are cut out of this deal [TS]

  dear IC IC and so I was like oh and then [TS]

  for the rest of Christmas I kept saying [TS]

  let's go rear list again [TS]

  would you would you like Colombo like [TS]

  sometimes I get real confusing we just [TS]

  let this go over this one more let's [TS]

  just go over it again everyone anything [TS]

  except one of these fucking dolls [TS]

  yeah and she said over and over like [TS]

  well I told CNN that one else in on it [TS]

  also i feel like that ship has sailed [TS]

  and I'm like I got so then I'm shopping [TS]

  and I'm like you know what I can't do I [TS]

  cannot fight this I'm gonna buy a nelson [TS]

  oh darling I when I bought a nice else [TS]

  in on at all not one of the crappy ones [TS]

  which there are 1,000,000,000 but like [TS]

  you really look at him i almost bought a [TS]

  captain america ornament and I looked at [TS]

  the painting on it was like this is yeah [TS]

  this is this is bad you got to be [TS]

  careful because if you pick up [TS]

  everything that matches your exciting [TS]

  brand feeling you just gonna have lots [TS]

  of crap [TS]

  yeah you better one going now you feel [TS]

  like you get this one good one and now [TS]

  that's good that's gonna clear the pipes [TS]

  I've been to little girls homes on other [TS]

  errands generally interacting with moms [TS]

  where you walk in and you look at the [TS]

  room and there are mm 700 elson honors [TS]

  in various forms [TS]

  yeah there are there the dolls of every [TS]

  kind stuffy dolls barbie sties but tall [TS]

  would like Glenn 13 p Tommy I don't know [TS]

  where you find these so I said all right [TS]

  if you're going to have a nelson on it's [TS]

  going to be the only frozen oriented [TS]

  stuff that we have but if they're going [TS]

  to be nice little dolls and so I and I [TS]

  wrote from Santa on the package [TS]

  well we're at the were back around the [TS]

  tree [TS]

  she's opening the presence and she has [TS]

  you know some some nice present some [TS]

  other dolls the hodgman's actually sent [TS]

  her an American Girl doll says that said [TS]

  what when did you get to kill know we [TS]

  got like the the hippie one she [TS]

  basically looks like we can really get [TS]

  Rebecca I don't know who those are ya [TS]

  yeah let's find out [TS]

  this one looks like Hilary Clinton in [TS]

  nineteen cents just you know that's a [TS]

  pretty nice present [TS]

  it's super nice present well it was an [TS]

  American Girl doll that they had [TS]

  that you know that their daughter had [TS]

  loved and cherished but I remember their [TS]

  daughter had something on the order of 9 [TS]

  to 14 american girl dolls so this links [TS]

  here she had over the time had [TS]

  disseminated these american girl dolls [TS]

  to younger girls she's obtained now and [TS]

  this was the last she had she had her [TS]

  main one that she would never get rid of [TS]

  it shall take to adulthood but this was [TS]

  the last of the secondary american girl [TS]

  dolls that that that lived at their in [TS]

  their house in Massachusetts and they [TS]

  were like we're going to get that doll [TS]

  we're gonna bring it down from [TS]

  Massachusetts and we're going to send it [TS]

  to to your daughter and she arrived and [TS]

  I was like this tall is truly beautiful [TS]

  I mean she's wearing some sort of [TS]

  seventies pantsuit like she's wonderful [TS]

  and so so you know my kids opening these [TS]

  presents she's getting a wonderful thing [TS]

  she's she's expressing true gratitude [TS]

  and pleasure [TS]

  she's actually opens a package and takes [TS]

  15 minutes to play with that toy [TS]

  oh that's a really really good sign [TS]

  right before opening the next president [TS]

  she's not that that's when I am proudest [TS]

  when like there's some you get 90 [TS]

  minutes of playing before going to the [TS]

  next thing that's a good feeling isn't [TS]

  that good there and then she gets to [TS]

  this else and on and she opens it up and [TS]

  she's so thrilled because this is the [TS]

  culmination of three and a half years of [TS]

  her five-and-a-half years of just like [TS]

  hounding me for these dolls and i had [TS]

  gone to everyone else in the family and [TS]

  I'd say ixnay on the are the salon is [TS]

  lime the Sun on a girl's yeah and so [TS]

  everybody was on board anyway frozen [TS]

  fray doesn't fray here they arrived and [TS]

  she she beams at them for a second just [TS]

  beams at them and then she slowly turns [TS]

  her head to look at me and gives me the [TS]

  ultimate [TS]

  fuck you oh you just got pwned by the [TS]

  man with the beard I got pwned by Santa [TS]

  home by santa and she was like but [TS]

  mainly because i like them apples [TS]

  how you like them apples i asked Santa [TS]

  for this and santa brought it and she [TS]

  ran a santa hat on and she yeah and you [TS]

  are outside the game dad and I was just [TS]

  on the couch just like getting a hit [TS]

  with this like plasma pulse [TS]

  Oh boom like up your nose [TS]

  dad how you like me now [TS]

  it was truly how you like me now look [TS]

  and I was like wow [TS]

  Santa really did a number on daddy did [TS]

  me and she was like hmm and so I've been [TS]

  continuing to play this like well I [TS]

  guess Santa you know against daddy's [TS]

  wishes brought this else in on into my [TS]

  home and she and she's just so gratified [TS]

  just trots around and and she took a [TS]

  necklace that she was right around her [TS]

  neck and built it into an honor sling [TS]

  where she walks around with the honor [TS]

  around her neck like it's like it's a [TS]

  mr. t chain [TS]

  yeah like she just hangs around her neck [TS]

  now that she wears the doll she wears it [TS]

  kind of like kind of like Twiggy and [TS]

  Buck Rogers a with guys like our dr. [TS]

  Theophilus yeah led me to be immediately [TS]

  and and so what can I do and anyway all [TS]

  by way of saying she believes in Santa [TS]

  and she primarily I think believes in [TS]

  Santa as a daddy for our death order [TS]

  haha that but it's really it's at least [TS]

  one and a half gift maybe two or three [TS]

  gifts in one cuz she got the things she [TS]

  wanted [TS]

  yeah despite it all and boy and you know [TS]

  let daddy let this serve as a lesson to [TS]

  you maybe you're not the smart guy you [TS]

  thought you were now she's not an addict [TS]

  yeah she stuck it to the man hardcore [TS]

  and so now I you know [TS]

  and and the fact that they are more or [TS]

  less the dimensions of Barbies and you [TS]

  can get Barbie stuff and apply it to [TS]

  them because she also doesn't have any [TS]

  Barbies which i also get in trouble for [TS]

  me the Barbies got dive-bombed into our [TS]

  life by relatives oh so the thing is I [TS]

  mean she's had exposure Barbies but I we [TS]

  did not have a super duper ooper [TS]

  shmooper strong POV on this but sure [TS]

  there was it was mutual assent of like [TS]

  all the kind of kid shit that's going to [TS]

  be in our life Barbie was not gonna be [TS]

  near the top of the list sure that your [TS]

  palm right but i have to tell you like [TS]

  certain beloved family members thought [TS]

  otherwise and things when you die [TS]

  bonding with notches Barbie but some [TS]

  Barbie outfits plus like a like a house [TS]

  there delivering like a whole franchise [TS]

  and now your RV person understands shoes [TS]

  everywhere and so I've avoided that also [TS]

  for you man except two things 1i have [TS]

  you know i'm i'm just generating pure [TS]

  consternation from 99% of the other like [TS]

  liberal mom's liberal progressive [TS]

  educated moms like me who are just like [TS]

  he can't fight city hall daling and also [TS]

  watching her interact with Elsa Anna I [TS]

  realize she's ready to progress from [TS]

  baby dolls where the primary narrative [TS]

  is ok baby like here's your bottle to [TS]

  these are dolls where she can interact [TS]

  complicated narratives with them they [TS]

  are they are sentient dolls you know [TS]

  they represent characters that now she [TS]

  can inhabit with adventure rather than [TS]

  just I'm caring for you now she can have [TS]

  these dolls and so they become closer to [TS]

  what we traditionally for boys called [TS]

  action figures like these yeah these are [TS]

  these are these are at these are [TS]

  characters with with things to do and I [TS]

  can enact that [TS]

  yeah they have agency and she can now [TS]

  talk to them and they can reply [TS]

  whereas you know the babies because i [TS]

  was also getting second baby dolls let's [TS]

  be honest because it's just that's [TS]

  what's just as cycle of baby's hungry [TS]

  babies tired but you know baby kiss baby [TS]

  something like kiss [TS]

  she's like kiss baby again I'm like kiss [TS]

  she's like puts the baby right in my [TS]

  face baby wants to play and I'm like I [TS]

  daddy's daddy is reading a book [TS]

  she's like you know like so now I feel [TS]

  like what the babies are going to go [TS]

  the babies are going to go into a box [TS]

  eventually I'm going back out at some [TS]

  point [TS]

  ya got the nod at least in my experience [TS]

  like my daughter has so much stuff and [TS]

  she doesn't see it for a while and then [TS]

  she when she sees it's like junior [TS]

  christmas because she's like she's [TS]

  really recently discovered her thomas [TS]

  train sets which had been in a box and [TS]

  it was totally fun to put those together [TS]

  again [TS]

  I mean that's silly because like she's [TS]

  nine but I'm 50 and I loved it it's [TS]

  going to make a triangle around a track [TS]

  it is I I can i still have a giant h/o [TS]

  train set in boxes upstairs that I just [TS]

  keep thinking I'm going to set up in the [TS]

  barn but the problem with HR trains is [TS]

  that the trains themselves are [TS]

  twenty-five percent of what is really a [TS]

  old man playset of paper mache hm just [TS]

  letting you tell me this before but [TS]

  remind me choose the pretty big one's [TS]

  right [TS]

  no those are Lionel's are like you know [TS]

  like out of train scales again spent too [TS]

  long [TS]

  aight show like if you had let's say you [TS]

  know those when you go to the fair or [TS]

  you go you're walking downtown and and [TS]

  you go to a hotdog stand there like [TS]

  hotdogs and then like a big hot dog and [TS]

  then like the the sausage Size hot dog [TS]

  was just like a big fat thing and they [TS]

  have somehow they have extra size buns [TS]

  that the whole thing is like almost [TS]

  grotesquely oversized one of those in [TS]

  the bun is about the size of a pho train [TS]

  i see i walked on an image that compares [TS]

  a Z NHO and G yeah [TS]

  hahha looks like a good size they chose [TS]

  the perfect size it's the i would say [TS]

  it's the most popular train son I always [TS]

  I always wondered what it would have [TS]

  been like if i had started with an M [TS]

  scale because II scale is too small for [TS]

  anything makes a lot of sense because [TS]

  Dennis sense that you can do more [TS]

  i'm assuming the availability of stuff [TS]

  for it you can accomplish more in a [TS]

  smaller amount of space without becoming [TS]

  that guy that has a whole transcendence [TS]

  basement exactly right if you you could [TS]

  put an entire end scale on your dining [TS]

  room table and make a fairly complete [TS]

  world like a Z scale if you took up your [TS]

  dining room table with a Z scale you [TS]

  could basically do all of Switzerland to [TS]

  I'm really cute that you can see the [TS]

  size of the thomas trains what what is e [TS]

  yeah they're that small [TS]

  yeah i mean they fit mostly like if you [TS]

  put James or person in the palm of your [TS]

  hand he mostly disappear I'd say they're [TS]

  eating yeah they're good you get the [TS]

  little engines in a minute that one [TS]

  thing it's kind of nice is that the [TS]

  track on which those run has become [TS]

  somewhat standardized so basically [TS]

  there's all kinds of different train [TS]

  things that fit that size of track [TS]

  doesn't have to be like Thomas the Train [TS]

  branded and you can run your friend [TS]

  kinds of brands of you know license [TS]

  train things on the same trashy I see [TS]

  oh I didn't realize that yeah that's an [TS]

  advertisement thomas train ones are [TS]

  mostly for little kids you get the [TS]

  little one was don't have an engine we [TS]

  have a few that have have an engine and [TS]

  those are obviously to me a lot more fun [TS]

  a battery-powered way to propel itself [TS]

  around the track rather than going to [TS]

  chew with your hand so these are not [TS]

  controlled from a central controller but [TS]

  they each have a battery within them [TS]

  yeah you put one double a into you get [TS]

  self Thomas you get yourself Spencer you [TS]

  get a lady train was always our big [TS]

  winner can get James and Percy and and [TS]

  yet and then you run around and they [TS]

  have all kinds of things they go down [TS]

  the mine shaft and go up the hill [TS]

  yeah if you get enough yet what you [TS]

  really want to get a lot of those [TS]

  straight ones that are like nine or 10 [TS]

  inches long [TS]

  get one of those and then you can make [TS]

  like a double like you could make like a [TS]

  tunnel and attract that runs on top of [TS]

  it you get a switcher and you're good to [TS]

  go [TS]

  you're not the only one that was a [TS]

  straight one that's nine inches long [TS]

  Ramos boiled well that was such a sad [TS]

  but no no it's Christmas and trying to [TS]

  keep it you know thanks [TS]

  oh sure yeah yeah go ahead [TS]

  well the thing about n scale model [TS]

  railroads is the ones that are made in [TS]

  germany the ones that are that are [TS]

  designed for old men like you can pay [TS]

  200 dollars for a locomotive [TS]

  cheese Louise you know it's not a it's [TS]

  not a cheap hobby and you control the [TS]

  trains from an electric controller and I [TS]

  had friends this is still a thing when I [TS]

  was a kid I my friend my friend had a [TS]

  copy of the blues brothers album we [TS]

  listened to the blues brothers ominous [TS]

  basement he also train set down there so [TS]

  I was associated Blues Brothers with the [TS]

  model train i had every blues brothers [TS]

  on vital that right yeah i know i'm i'm [TS]

  not proud of it now [TS]

  oh what fun stuff well but you know like [TS]

  the blues brothers made a couple the [TS]

  handful of vinyl records john goodman [TS]

  one no trick come on [TS]

  ok I'm talking about you know the it's [TS]

  all with an asterisk Blues Brothers [TS]

  fandom ends in the early eighties you [TS]

  know like it doesn't end with Belushi's [TS]

  death because the Blues Brothers [TS]

  mushroom cloud continue to bloom em but [TS]

  83-84 was the last time that you could [TS]

  legitimately buy a new blues brothers [TS]

  branded product but you know they made [TS]

  several records and those records were i [TS]

  knows the rubber biscuit one the ceiling [TS]

  when I know they're meant to be taken [TS]

  seriously as blues albums like blues & [TS]

  soul records so they're embarrassing [TS]

  just because neither accurate nor [TS]

  Belushi can actually sing and they you [TS]

  know they kind of grunt and groan and [TS]

  and caterwaul over these blues tracks [TS]

  but they are they are serious about it [TS]

  and performances were so fun and the [TS]

  band understand what you say about the [TS]

  pan but you're looking at your you're [TS]

  listening to it on an album [TS]

  yeah so you don't get that you don't get [TS]

  all the act [TS]

  you don't get a lot done but yeah [TS]

  they're they're playing over Booker T [TS]

  and the MG's with like every other great [TS]

  player including Paul Shaffer in the in [TS]

  America like the band sounds incredible [TS]

  impact on FB megs 14 you know four fried [TS]

  chickens and a coke another movie so [TS]

  much i love it so much about your magnet [TS]

  armory you dry white toast you want that [TS]

  I should wake the dead bugs off the [TS]

  windshield strong stuff i annoy Nazis no [TS]

  we're not going there [TS]

  we're not doing any more blues brothers [TS]

  okay should I square do you even though [TS]

  I watched even though for the last two [TS]

  days I've been watching godfather [TS]

  ah in increments because my godfather [TS]

  watching partner keeps falling asleep [TS]

  oh now we're back to this and when I say [TS]

  ah like when I when I give my godfather [TS]

  watching partner and elbow and I say are [TS]

  you serious right now she says no I love [TS]

  it it's incredible it's just that [TS]

  something i'm too hot i had a too much [TS]

  popcorn something so we were up to [TS]

  that's that's hard for me now did this [TS]

  okay I'm officially old that is hard for [TS]

  me to understand it's very hard [TS]

  I don't know how you make a nice night [TS]

  against answer key so I don't know how [TS]

  you make it through without watching it [TS]

  at a sitting and being riveted at every [TS]

  single point and at the end going wow I [TS]

  can't believe that was whatever 29 hours [TS]

  so she's she's she is fairly really the [TS]

  best miss the best movie but then she [TS]

  just sort of a sudden she gets too much [TS]

  popcorn [TS]

  I'm like what is it what happened what [TS]

  what what's the last thing you remember [TS]

  she was like uh they were talking about [TS]

  you know like Luca Brasi was getting [TS]

  strangled or whatever no spoiler alerts [TS]

  right around so so far we have made it [TS]

  up to [TS]

  apollonia is is destroyed in a bomb and [TS]

  how many [TS]

  settings like 3-4 settings mmm we've got [TS]

  we booted three sittings ok but i [TS]

  thought you know be able to to get [TS]

  myself over the hump of buying this [TS]

  thing for four dollars and so we're [TS]

  doing very much but I have really been [TS]

  struggling even in the you know the half [TS]

  our that we've been talking to one [TS]

  another and not just just talking to you [TS]

  strictly in Godfather quotes not doing [TS]

  it i'm not doing it to her because it [TS]

  for a better one spooker yeah I know I [TS]

  know I know [TS]

  well i hope that they allowed to your [TS]

  hand I feel your pin and so I mean what [TS]

  can a person do right i mean it's it's [TS]

  better than when I showed her ET and she [TS]

  just checked out I was like this isn't [TS]

  any fun to watch this [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  alright i can I can handle it and then [TS]

  she showed me crazy stupid love was like [TS]

  isn't this a great movie [TS]

  krazy stoopid nineties goods will [TS]

  remember i have a 90s kid got a 90 [TS]

  students in the nineties movie as a [TS]

  steve carell movie and yeah with Ryan [TS]

  Gosling Gosling apparently Gosling Emma [TS]

  Stone Kevin Bacon marisa tomei ok so ms [TS]

  im sorry IM stones i think you know what [TS]

  a charming knowledge- but what I didn't [TS]

  realize because ryan gosling was a [TS]

  character that I only knew from the [TS]

  cover of magazines at the grocery store [TS]

  I just booked I don't know what does the [TS]

  note [TS]

  well I mean you know if you saw but you [TS]

  know he's he's done some he's been very [TS]

  funny in movies to he's done a couple [TS]

  movies DVD drive c drive my friend so [TS]

  it's a it's like a gangster movie I mean [TS]

  and drive without spoiling it drive is [TS]

  basically a guy his getaway driver a [TS]

  for-hire getaway driver [TS]

  alright don't say another word the [TS]

  aesthetic of the movie is where yet may [TS]

  see it just gonna say it [TS]

  I found surprising even though Ryan [TS]

  Gosling is basically playing a like an [TS]

  men's rights activist to neg [TS]

  girls in the film he's doing it it's pre [TS]

  it's pretty gamergate this movie was [TS]

  made pretty gamergate so we're meant to [TS]

  find this character charming or at least [TS]

  low he's mad he's a rake [TS]

  john is a rate that's right we're meant [TS]

  to envy his his suavity with the ladies [TS]

  that's a big part of the plot but what [TS]

  what I was surprised at was that i found [TS]

  because I thought ryan gosling was going [TS]

  to be one of these actors of his [TS]

  generation was just like beyond because [TS]

  they're there are they all really like [TS]

  playing under play this is really seems [TS]

  like one of those actors were like i [TS]

  turn my wife and go with this person [TS]

  ever on Dawson's Creek i'm getting [TS]

  Dawson's Creek I don't know what it is [TS]

  but because here [TS]

  exactly it's somebody that was on a TV [TS]

  show never saw a channel i didn't get [TS]

  that was for people that weren't me [TS]

  yeah yeah and I thought that too but [TS]

  watching this I was like I find Ryan [TS]

  Gosling apparently charming and I [TS]

  understand why girls uh like him and if [TS]

  you look at him closely you realize he [TS]

  has hips you know he's not like a he's [TS]

  not like one of these impossible Bobby's [TS]

  super buff and cut or whatever but he [TS]

  also you know he has yes shapely male [TS]

  hips [TS]

  he's not he's not Brad Pitt right where [TS]

  you look at Brad Pitt near like I could [TS]

  work 18 hours a day for 10 years I would [TS]

  never have but brad pitt's physique [TS]

  because i'm just not i'm just not born [TS]

  that way [TS]

  right right but Ryan Gosling you're like [TS]

  oh right he's the you-know-who's shape [TS]

  the man and my godfather watching [TS]

  partner says that Ryan Gosling is what [TS]

  she imagines River Phoenix would have [TS]

  looked like if he'd grown up and I was [TS]

  like oh look a world where river phoenix [TS]

  is like oh he's like James Dean was for [TS]

  us and I the James djane jacket of the [TS]

  of the 9006 who [TS]

  oh it's only they who will get this yes [TS]

  so all by a all a leading up to the fact [TS]

  that i saw lala land which also has a [TS]

  land it's gotta be honest I think that's [TS]

  good and they have a little you know [TS]

  they they they have a wrap [TS]

  or that was established at this earlier [TS]

  film and so they are kind of the you [TS]

  know the Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire [TS]

  of their day even though they can either [TS]

  sing or dance but you know like that's [TS]

  good going to twist i really have the [TS]

  right I realized as I was watching lala [TS]

  land [TS]

  oh this is an attempt a fairly sly [TS]

  attempt by these filmmakers to uh to [TS]

  take advantage of this this pre-existing [TS]

  understanding that these two are a very [TS]

  very good on-screen oh it's like a [TS]

  little intertextual thing like some of [TS]

  the appearances of like Robert De Niro [TS]

  and a movie with us or or even marlon [TS]

  brando in the freshman where there's a [TS]

  notch or other things that they've done [TS]

  kind of encompasses what they're doing [TS]

  now right and so now we're looking at a [TS]

  future where I think you really need to [TS]

  be a 90s kid understand that but now [TS]

  that you explained that I get it [TS]

  yeah it's like a Gosling stone picture [TS]

  causing sound and we're going to see [TS]

  them reoccur and it's not that they're [TS]

  playing the same people every time [TS]

  they're just taking advantage of the [TS]

  fact that we love to see Gosling and [TS]

  stone do their due their bits maybe get [TS]

  like Woody Allen and Diane Keaton or [TS]

  something [TS]

  yeah exactly even though one of the [TS]

  great one of the great signs that my [TS]

  godfather watching friend gets it is [TS]

  that she said who's that who's that lady [TS]

  said you mean Diane Keaton k and she was [TS]

  like that's Diane Keaton I said yeah [TS]

  this is early early dices early Diane [TS]

  yeah and she said I don't like her and [TS]

  hot [TS]

  oh boy I ring I ring the tugboat Bell [TS]

  you're not a fan [TS]

  I find Diane King to be very you know [TS]

  and her Woody Allen period is is what it [TS]

  is it's an amazing record of our era of [TS]

  our time and I kind of Godfather the [TS]

  thing is that James items are shed my [TS]

  call yeah she's a she is playing on a [TS]

  fairly unlikable character and she's [TS]

  bringing it i think k's unlikable [TS]

  because k is presented in the film as [TS]

  the agent the primary agent of [TS]

  encouraging Michael to leave the family [TS]

  business even though Michael wants to [TS]

  and even though he promises her he will [TS]

  so it's money Michael sets the stage but [TS]

  imagine if K had overtime just as [TS]

  Michael did realized that this was again [TS]

  inevitable she becomes more like Karen [TS]

  in goodfellas yeah embraces the reason I [TS]

  got a fellow traveler right she's like [TS]

  you know what this is who we are and [TS]

  even though I am a even though I'm a [TS]

  shiksa i'm gonna become a Sicilian Mafia [TS]

  wife instead she's like this sort of [TS]

  harpy over time she because she becomes [TS]

  a heartbeat [TS]

  what you're going to get email i'm gonna [TS]

  get a lot but I did not find k to be a [TS]

  powerful a you know like female role I [TS]

  found her to be you know kind of a nag [TS]

  and ultimately like she's she's one of [TS]

  the things that presented this conundrum [TS]

  to Michael where was he going to do he [TS]

  can't he can't but do what he's doing [TS]

  and he's only like he just has to be [TS]

  dishonest with her in order to go and [TS]

  doing what he had and ultimately he [TS]

  loses his family over because he's [TS]

  powerless because he you know because as [TS]

  he says to his father on his hospital [TS]

  bed [TS]

  I'm with you now I'm with you and then [TS]

  you want that the president's veto [TS]

  doesn't think we don't want it tonight [TS]

  Mike that he become a senator right yeah [TS]

  that's right you thought to become a [TS]

  senator when he found out that Michael [TS]

  killed slots oh my god [TS]

  Christie runs down his cheek he doesn't [TS]

  even want to talk to Tom he was not my [TS]

  wife is my wife and my wife downstairs [TS]

  crying yeah but you needed a drink first [TS]

  mhm any i-i-i approved of her assessment [TS]

  of tanking because i have I my feeling [TS]

  about it is that the the diane keaton [TS]

  has been the last 10 years playing roles [TS]

  of like I'm worky [TS]

  worky mom is she's a position know it's [TS]

  hard to get a good role when you're a [TS]

  lady of a certain age they do not let [TS]

  see you [TS]

  yeah it's hard that's the business of of [TS]

  actors of any age or stripe who have who [TS]

  had you know million like I had like two [TS]

  dozen million-dollar films I feel like [TS]

  you should all be in retirement dinero [TS]

  should have stopped making movies in 89 [TS]

  right yeah maybe [TS]

  anyway it's you know like world's [TS]

  tiniest violin but I and I understand I [TS]

  understand the argument that it's hard [TS]

  for older women to get you know starring [TS]

  roles in films but Diane Keaton is just [TS]

  I just find her unlikable she like Helen [TS]

  Mirren love Helen Mirren em you know I [TS]

  realized i was watching cause I watching [TS]

  last night's watching Richard the third [TS]

  on PBS and its kind of googling around [TS]

  you remember the movie the cook the [TS]

  thief his wife and her lover the peter [TS]

  greenaway movie remember the book it was [TS]

  very famous at the time for being very [TS]

  very luscious I like like many peter [TS]

  greenaway movies it's very beautiful and [TS]

  lush but like super super violent and [TS]

  very very very gross and i'm only now [TS]

  catching up on how many people were in [TS]

  that movie that I didn't realize from [TS]

  there i think i missed out on this whole [TS]

  like I know Helen Mirren was in that and [TS]

  like I mean take this is you know the [TS]

  way I mean like she was hot [TS]

  she's probably 40 but she's like still [TS]

  like like hot Helen Mirren me after this [TS]

  yeah let me really a bit have you ever [TS]

  googled Helen Mirren nudes are you and I [TS]

  went through this with Judi Dench Helen [TS]

  Mirren and somebody else one time and I [TS]

  didn't for a lot of English ladies in [TS]

  the nude [TS]

  yeah yeah and also can agree on [TS]

  Mickleham on the second Dumbledore and [TS]

  therefore many other moves metal cambon [TS]

  I didn't realize he was the thief it he [TS]

  was the bad guy actually well now here's [TS]

  now your spoiler because I've never seen [TS]

  the cook the thief the life and the way [TS]

  you can skip you can see it's pretty [TS]

  gross is that right there is good though [TS]

  that's got sherlock holmes in its got [TS]

  dad's got the benedict cumberbatch with [TS]

  a hump and it was pretty good [TS]

  a hump and it was pretty good [TS]

  yeah I always try and watch the [TS]

  Shakespeare movies there's a whole big [TS]

  run right now it's called the hollow [TS]

  crown and they're doing they do like [TS]

  what's the one before Henry the fifth [TS]

  day it's an original the second Richard [TS]

  the second through Richard the third and [TS]

  they're all [TS]

  yeah so i haven't watched almost too [TS]

  much Shakespeare from yeah well you know [TS]

  cumberbatch with a hump but Allah you [TS]

  know [TS]

  yeah he and I and the only thought is [TS]

  and hump on his back in la now is the [TS]

  winter of our discontent that's how it [TS]

  starts [TS]

  he's going to help me shirtless with a [TS]

  hump playing chess with himself and it's [TS]

  all kind of bad shots with I mean this [TS]

  is this was what embarrassed Richard [TS]

  driver so badly that he wanted to give [TS]

  up acting Castillo cause he would have [TS]

  to do Richard [TS]

  well sure i'm going to desperation this [TS]

  is the bushes one of the major themes of [TS]

  the goodbye girl which is one of the [TS]

  classrooms will never seen it still [TS]

  never seen you have ever seen in my [TS]

  estimation fan so that's a weird thing [TS]

  everything goodbye girl and i know it [TS]

  and the thing is it gets for someone of [TS]

  my age at four time it was named check [TS]

  so often including on things like [TS]

  Seinfeld that it's like it's crazy that [TS]

  I didn't know it well I haven't missed [TS]

  my window [TS]

  goodbye girl I don't think so because [TS]

  it's cute it's like it's like Neil Simon [TS]

  movies where I don't know how you could [TS]

  watch brighton beach memoirs at any age [TS]

  at any time and not be charmed now i am [TS]

  mr. goodbye by brighton beach memoirs [TS]

  and this is goodbye girl feels like [TS]

  you're watching a Broadway play from the [TS]

  seventies like almost because it all [TS]

  mostly takes place in an apartment [TS]

  it feels a little bit like like the odd [TS]

  couple [TS]

  right right i get what you mean it is [TS]

  not stage ii but that it feels like a [TS]

  play it feels like a play and and and in [TS]

  that sense like it's a good play and [TS]

  Richard Dreyfuss its young Richard [TS]

  Dreyfuss it's richard dreyfuss like [TS]

  right after jaws and looks like it's [TS]

  right around close encounters 77 it says [TS]

  Richard drivers from his [TS]

  turkey stage you know [TS]

  yeah we're just like you just show up [TS]

  the scenery you Richard drivers don't [TS]

  eat eat eat it and it has a it has a [TS]

  charming a like a nine-year-old girl [TS]

  who's uh who's wise before her years I [TS]

  remember who who reminds me of your [TS]

  daughter honestly Clint Cummings she was [TS]

  an actress I remember her child actress [TS]

  it's a lifetime in the nineties look at [TS]

  that she's like she is the blossom of [TS]

  the seventies that what you're saying [TS]

  she's gonna look at that she's been a [TS]

  Beretta Starsky and Hutch six million [TS]

  dollar man yeah all the shows all the [TS]

  great chose family family was at the [TS]

  loan with kristy mcnichol yeah man it's [TS]

  hard for her [TS]

  yeah i'm looking right now write it [TS]

  right here in front of me on my on my [TS]

  desk which is also right now at least my [TS]

  dining room table with her i have a copy [TS]

  of dynamite magazine with that's a [TS]

  that's called the meat kristy mcnichol [TS]

  issue of dynamite magnet can still see [TS]

  the cover and yea right it's a wonderful [TS]

  around still have a copy i had a [TS]

  subscription i still have a copy and how [TS]

  somewhere of the bee gees vs The Beatles [TS]

  who's better than even a big showdown [TS]

  I think it's still an open question [TS]

  however is a final paragraph even in the [TS]

  end even that remember the sense begins [TS]

  in the end even the chart-topping bg's [TS]

  something something something that is [TS]

  going to appeals right they gave it to [TS]

  him but it was a squeaker like right to [TS]

  the last yeah yeah made it right through [TS]

  that well I mean you remember when [TS]

  squeezed was the new beetle squeeze are [TS]

  going to make bad finger look like a big [TS]

  star or something it's got a picture of [TS]

  kristy mcnichol riding a skateboard and [TS]

  then further on there's an article about [TS]

  the dynamite duo these are the dynamite [TS]

  do our as those two girls from the [TS]

  saturday morning show [TS]

  nope nope dynamic duo's in the last [TS]

  pages of the cartoon [TS]

  a little comic book thing in dynamite [TS]

  right it is a comic dirty but to but I [TS]

  feel like I feel like a dynamite do are [TS]

  described as they are what are they but [TS]

  ordered ordinary teenagers a strange [TS]

  series of events change their lives [TS]

  forever attending a carnival the twins [TS]

  won a weird-looking set of matching [TS]

  rings they're twins that one it's like [TS]

  kinda like the wonder twins and when [TS]

  they take put the rings on them they [TS]

  become a dawn star and night glider mm [TS]

  so it's a little bit like wonder twin [TS]

  powers activate right shape of a nice [TS]

  monkey right dawn star and night glider [TS]

  been a better known as the dynamite duo [TS]

  and their Super Heroes which so that's [TS]

  what I thought you would know them yeah [TS]

  so sentence so there's dynamite right [TS]

  this is supportive of whatever 277 times [TS]

  since many readers mr. the exciting [TS]

  origin of the duo and some of their [TS]

  early exploits we decided to review [TS]

  what's happened so far [TS]

  here are the most frequently asked [TS]

  questions about our favorite superheroes [TS]

  and then an entire page of dynamite duo [TS]

  facts [TS]

  wow it's called the fact sheet and then [TS]

  very strangely the next this this [TS]

  describes better than anything else [TS]

  could our childhood in the seventies [TS]

  because the next page is a double know a [TS]

  triple page article on lon chaney oh it [TS]

  was got our age was weird [TS]

  you're right you're absolutely right and [TS]

  and also I've been really terrified by [TS]

  things like variety shows [TS]

  we're like not just at sullivan but like [TS]

  Carol Burnett were like you might you [TS]

  can see something like impossibly modern [TS]

  super weird or you might see like Milton [TS]

  Berle yeah this is this is a big article [TS]

  on on the hunchback of notre dame and [TS]

  like all these black-and-white photos [TS]

  love lon chaney in between a description [TS]

  of the dynamite duo and Kristy McNicol [TS]

  riding a skateboard and you're just like [TS]

  asking 78 meet and Kristy McNicol [TS]

  I guess this is and then there's a big [TS]

  big article on the Muppets Muppets come [TS]

  from one [TS]

  look at the furry freaky fabulous [TS]

  creatures and you might guess the moon [TS]

  so I mean how are you supposed to mean I [TS]

  you didn't you could convince me that I [TS]

  would turn the page and see almost [TS]

  anything right like Marilyn Vos savant [TS]

  or or like a like little Annie Fanny or [TS]

  I don't have no idea what's in this [TS]

  magazine you turn the page it's talking [TS]

  about now a cool like this this was the [TS]

  era of the original like cool t-shirt [TS]

  iron-on t-shirt see our article about [TS]

  those but they would also you might see [TS]

  something about cooking like how to cook [TS]

  something you might see some like [TS]

  prototypical kind of life hacks things i [TS]

  must conflating a little bit my head [TS]

  with National Geographic world which [TS]

  also had a subscription to and what I [TS]

  love that thing like the close-ups of [TS]

  like you know patterns of close to try [TS]

  to identify what it was [TS]

  oh yeah yeah you know my i I've told you [TS]

  before my mom got me a subscription to [TS]

  Time magazine because she felt like that [TS]

  was what I needed you know a lonely [TS]

  sandwich posting things on Instagram the [TS]

  other day where he was like I took my [TS]

  kids to see something you always [TS]

  remember your first movie was just kids [TS]

  first movie in the theater you always [TS]

  remember your first movie and you always [TS]

  remember your first movie my first movie [TS]

  was dr. Zhivago my mom took me to see a [TS]

  99-cent moving your back when you know [TS]

  like the biggest theater in town a [TS]

  theater that seats 1200 people was [TS]

  running old movies for ninety-nine cents [TS]

  and it was then it was completely [TS]

  decrepit dusty the seats were all had [TS]

  you know the stuffing was coming out of [TS]

  the seats and you could buy this ticket [TS]

  and a popcorn and walk into this [TS]

  cavernous theater that had 11 people in [TS]

  it to see a matinee of Doctor Zhivago a [TS]

  three hour film about the Russian [TS]

  Revolution a three-hour romantic [TS]

  rendition of the Russian Revolution and [TS]

  that you know this was my first movie as [TS]

  a kid and my mom was like you're gonna [TS]

  love it it's one of the great films and [TS]

  i'm just sitting in the theater like the [TS]

  entire experience was overwhelming being [TS]

  in the theater was overwhelming [TS]

  like the type of theatre as you walk [TS]

  down the aisle you can hear and this was [TS]

  back when everybody wore leather soled [TS]

  shoes too so your people are walking [TS]

  down the aisle like clop clop clop like [TS]

  like you're walking through the CIA [TS]

  headquarters [TS]

  yeah but you're in this like seven is [TS]

  just the theater was as much a character [TS]

  in the film and then i'm watching this [TS]

  completely unintelligible movie to me [TS]

  and yeah you're blowing sandwiches right [TS]

  stuck in my head that's where we'll [TS]

  start with Star Wars it wasn't jaws it [TS]

  was in and then she took me to the [TS]

  auntie mame which scarred me for life [TS]

  really a team name is that Ethel Merman [TS]

  uh no no it's that way i know this is it [TS]

  dad let me get Joan yes is it right [TS]

  between Russell me now [TS]

  well as any music is because there's [TS]

  name and then there's the other one [TS]

  that's like main you got the worst part [TS]

  was that rice and you got the one Barbra [TS]

  Streisand it's like me get this right is [TS]

  in this rosalind russell laws with [TS]

  Russell process lasted one of my [TS]

  confusing it with what's the other one [TS]

  uh the other one is the one about about [TS]

  Joan Crawford being a terrible mall [TS]

  could be i remember we have the musical [TS]

  in a check of the musical man yeah i [TS]

  thought that that bad out about the main [TS]

  house and we ok so business relatively [TS]

  few walls that was Lucille Ball's 1974 [TS]

  and Sue oh you're right the musical with [TS]

  Lucille Ball I the original was a [TS]

  Technicolor comedy from 1950s of course [TS]

  I see my confusion now [TS]

  yeah yeah with Rosalind Russell but what [TS]

  was what was the one I was just talking [TS]

  about the the mom actress that was a [TS]

  terrible mom [TS]

  oh that would be Nathan playmaking 81 [TS]

  probably mommy dearest [TS]

  Oh mommy dearest that was based on the [TS]

  book by her daughter Christine [TS]

  yeah so my mom took me to see mommy [TS]

  that's the one that scarred me for life [TS]

  oh my god your skull army poor line [TS]

  makes reading Ron not a very good mami [TS]

  not a good mommy I don't know know [TS]

  it'sit's complicated it's hard to be a [TS]

  parent [TS]

  yeah John are you how are you going to [TS]

  survive the or how you survived how you [TS]

  move forward with the on Elsa Elsa [TS]

  situation was so you still are you hyper [TS]

  vigilant for four more incursions into [TS]

  this are you are you okay with your role [TS]

  as bad santa how how are you going to [TS]

  proceed [TS]

  well so I don't let stand to win this [TS]

  one yeah Santa gets this one alright [TS]

  once and this one Santa Santa Santa [TS]

  Santa takes it and I'm going to I'm [TS]

  going to continue to salt a little bit [TS]

  in order to really play up the fact that [TS]

  Santa and by extension my daughter like [TS]

  made it happen at daddy's expense [TS]

  because i feel like that is she [TS]

  definitely feels empowered by it and I [TS]

  have to have to have to lose this one I [TS]

  have to lose gracefully that's a lesson [TS]

  in losing gracefully [TS]

  yeah but i can stop a little bit because [TS]

  it feels like I'd you know like I lost [TS]

  one fair and square [TS]

  I love my daughter gets the better of me [TS]

  it makes me really happy [TS]

  yeah but you know oh I wanted like most [TS]

  of us do initially to raise my daughter [TS]

  in a gender neutral environment and I [TS]

  went to great lengths to create a [TS]

  positive gender neutrality in our home [TS]

  not as an experiment but just as a way [TS]

  of of of setting up a kind of freedom [TS]

  dozens more interesting do and I [TS]

  honestly it'sit's you know if you just [TS]

  feed everybody from the same big spoon [TS]

  that we were fed with it's not as [TS]

  interesting [TS]

  yeah you just let her let her pick and [TS]

  from the very earliest moment if you put [TS]

  a if you put a pink car and a blue car [TS]

  she would pick up the pink car think a [TS]

  friend and went through something very [TS]

  similar to this [TS]

  yeah and she would pick up the pink car [TS]

  turn it over on its back and cradle it [TS]

  and say [TS]

  that's a good baby kiss kiss right just [TS]

  the base and I'm like that it honey that [TS]

  is the 1971 Camaro that I that I went to [TS]

  great lengths to find you [TS]

  yeah and she's like kiss the baby so i [TS]

  stopped fighting that a long time ago [TS]

  and now I feel like I'm just in it to [TS]

  win it you know well what you what she [TS]

  wants I'm not gonna I'm not gonna be in [TS]

  there like don't you want to play with [TS]

  this truck [TS]

  I'm just gonna say like you do you want [TS]

  the Barbies want the on and also like [TS]

  here we come [TS]

  there's a funny thread through several [TS]

  things we're talking about i don't know [TS]

  why i'm thinking that this book but we [TS]

  talked earlier about like being a kid [TS]

  and then i would like to your seventies [TS]

  kid to growing up in the seventies and [TS]

  you know even though we didn't have [TS]

  things like prayer in school there was a [TS]

  grace note to almost everything we did [TS]

  in winter that it was about Christmas [TS]

  and so I'm just thinking no like now [TS]

  today I think we're still struggling [TS]

  with how to handle that setting aside [TS]

  the war on Christmas and all that but [TS]

  like nobody wants to be a dick about it [TS]

  you don't assume something about [TS]

  somebody even with something as [TS]

  seemingly innocuous as a greeting but I [TS]

  feel like the phrase i think it's going [TS]

  through my head as I feel like for [TS]

  example being a very observant Jew in [TS]

  the seventies must be must be worse than [TS]

  like being a vegan today [TS]

  look there's an option for you but like [TS]

  it's really not the best we've got like [TS]

  you know like yeah okay we'll take into [TS]

  consideration we make the poster and we [TS]

  have to look up how to say all these [TS]

  things in different languages will find [TS]

  a way to work in some Hanukkah you know [TS]

  Monica is kind of a neutered Christmas [TS]

  for Jews you know we want to acknowledge [TS]

  that but like you know how do you how do [TS]

  you do that as a family like you just [TS]

  nobody wants to wants to be a dick about [TS]

  this except for the chris ward christmas [TS]

  people like nobody wants to be a jerk [TS]

  about this you don't want to hurt [TS]

  anybody's feelings and the current the [TS]

  holidays are already fraught enough [TS]

  without adding all this drama you know [TS]

  for sure but all of that is part of a [TS]

  thing like we have made it our cultural [TS]

  imperative to presume [TS]

  that everyone wants to be part of the [TS]

  mainstream and that the mainstream needs [TS]

  to be broad enough that it encompasses [TS]

  everyone and I think in this up until [TS]

  very very recently to whatever degree a [TS]

  like smaller groups of of culture were [TS]

  like not included at all in the [TS]

  mainstream you also have the advantage [TS]

  of being of knowing that you were [TS]

  outside the mainstream and that being a [TS]

  thing of its own appeal and i think i [TS]

  think we if you were seven years old and [TS]

  in school and everybody was talking [TS]

  about Jesus and you were Jewish [TS]

  it could have been very uncomfortable [TS]

  and if you could have felt like why am I [TS]

  excluded from Christmas but i think [TS]

  within the Jewish community of adults [TS]

  there was absolutely no interest in [TS]

  being you know included in the in [TS]

  Christian mainstream nobody cared [TS]

  among adult Jews whether or not they [TS]

  mentioned Hanukkah on the evening news [TS]

  because there was a there was a complete [TS]

  understanding we are separate community [TS]

  we have our own traditions we are happy [TS]

  more than happy to be excluded from the [TS]

  mainstream culture as long as you don't [TS]

  come [TS]

  yeah try and burn our synagogue right [TS]

  yeah this was a thing that I personally [TS]

  saw when gay culture went into the [TS]

  mainstream because when i first was a [TS]

  week and that's it's changed a lot since [TS]

  then we're used to hell no I don't want [TS]

  to be a parent like that don't include [TS]

  me in your family thing I got my own [TS]

  thing going on [TS]

  stop trying to turn me into like a [TS]

  version of me that you understand [TS]

  yeah right i mean the the whole notion [TS]

  of I mean there were always gay people [TS]

  that just wanted to settle down and be a [TS]

  happy couple is consistent would be [TS]

  harassed you know but they're there well [TS]

  it's not it's like don't come to our [TS]

  bars and fuck them up please stop trying [TS]

  to turn us into the sympathetic friend [TS]

  like just let me be a person and then I [TS]

  was no big push to domesticate and [TS]

  suburban eyes or to feel to make it so [TS]

  even within gay culture that was added [TS]

  and you don't know exactly that that [TS]

  really feels like least in my exposure [TS]

  feeling something in the last 10-15 [TS]

  years and what's been lost [TS]

  is this completely like envelop [TS]

  a separate and other like gay culture [TS]

  which had all its own touchstones all [TS]

  its own secret language all its own and [TS]

  tend to whatever degree like there was [TS]

  persecution involved within the within [TS]

  the bubble there was no desire to be [TS]

  like mainstreamed man it was it was it [TS]

  was part of the appeal and not part of [TS]

  the appeal but it was it was a wonderful [TS]

  thing I mean and the thing is we all [TS]

  know what it's like to have a secret [TS]

  culture it's the thing in a lot of our [TS]

  lives that we prize the most so the idea [TS]

  that that equality under the law also [TS]

  means which is the thing that we all [TS]

  absolutely desire and equality under the [TS]

  lawn and freedom from being openly [TS]

  oppressed is a thing that that that is [TS]

  what we call justice and that's what [TS]

  we're all working toward but the idea [TS]

  that mainstream culture should be a [TS]

  thing that that in that is completely [TS]

  inclusive of everybody [TS]

  it kind of misses the point of [TS]

  mainstream which is a thing that not we [TS]

  that to exclude yourself from or to even [TS]

  be excluded from missed another word for [TS]

  mainstream in some ways is Germany and I [TS]

  mean it's a way of mainstream I mean to [TS]

  me I think about the germany and the way [TS]

  I learned it back in back in the day was [TS]

  the japanese cultural hegemony was this [TS]

  idea that like especially enough there [TS]

  authoritarian regime really anywhere the [TS]

  most almost those radical of ideas can [TS]

  become kind of rounded off and [TS]

  incorporate into the system such that [TS]

  it's very difficult to be outside the [TS]

  system because the system eventually [TS]

  makes everything part of it right it [TS]

  absorbs and neuters all difference who [TS]

  and and new years is going to play em [TS]

  yeah you remember for many years where [TS]

  mainstream in our culture was synonymous [TS]

  with Doland and useless in a way and now [TS]

  we're now the opposite is true now we're [TS]

  trying to mainstream every you know [TS]

  every like permutation of difference [TS]

  commenced and also now is code for [TS]

  dishonest mainstream now is you take [TS]

  this thing that's truthful from my new [TS]

  product and then take all the truth out [TS]

  of it to put into your news truck [TS]

  products because you don't tell the [TS]

  truth you're not you're not being honest [TS]

  about this story but a lot of the lot of [TS]

  the gay people I know that are my age [TS]

  you know in a way they kind of I mean [TS]

  they're glad for their glad to have been [TS]

  like it within the culture taken out of [TS]

  the out of the enforced closet but they [TS]

  also lament all that was lost culturally [TS]

  you know now it's just like I guess I'm [TS]

  supposed to get married now why would [TS]

  anyone course you gotta count a little [TS]

  bit for you know aids in the eighties [TS]

  and like i said i'm still I feel like [TS]

  I'm still as many documentaries and [TS]

  things I've read and you know and some [TS]

  extent lived through and Friends of [TS]

  hiv/aids in college you know and even a [TS]

  tease but you know i'm still getting my [TS]

  head around how much of America was lost [TS]

  over about eight to ten years its I'm [TS]

  still really getting that there are [TS]

  certain especially in creative things [TS]

  like you know like the dance and theater [TS]

  community in New York just got it is [TS]

  rated I mean it's still is like you [TS]

  talked about this and like all the all [TS]

  the lives you know lot you know that [TS]

  lives just the people were just normal [TS]

  people [TS]

  the soldiers lost in World War two but [TS]

  then just how many trombone players died [TS]

  in World War two [TS]

  we look at it that way its kind of [TS]

  staggering and I don't start changing [TS]

  the topic here but yeah it'sit's you [TS]

  know back then you could come to a place [TS]

  you can go to manage village you go to [TS]

  the castro and you can find this little [TS]

  terrarium to live it wherever not [TS]

  everyone's like everybody agreed on the [TS]

  same thing but like there's so much [TS]

  shared cultural DNA about what we're [TS]

  here for and they were interfered with [TS]

  two surpassingly much and it got a very [TS]

  quickly turning this driving culture [TS]

  within like fewer than a dozen years [TS]

  you've got this like really thriving [TS]

  community of something that you could be [TS]

  considered so Trey like in like you must [TS]

  it must be kind of a bummer to look for [TS]

  all those reasons to see that go away [TS]

  you know where that is pet stores and [TS]

  dildos but like you can also get baby [TS]

  stuff there [TS]

  it's the weirdest thing because from [TS]

  within American [TS]

  culture right it's very easy to look at [TS]

  I mean the vast majority of the people [TS]

  in the world and say they're living on a [TS]

  dollar a day right and that amount of [TS]

  crushing poverty is a thing that is a [TS]

  tragedy and that we from our wealthy [TS]

  tower need to address this tragedy for [TS]

  other on behalf of other people we need [TS]

  to lift them out of their dollar a day [TS]

  existence and and from my perspective it [TS]

  often takes the form of a kind of do [TS]

  they know it's Christmas level of [TS]

  condescension it's like the people in [TS]

  Africa that I can really still sympathy [TS]

  for these people is to realize how much [TS]

  I missed Christmas if I was starving [TS]

  yeah right like like the people in [TS]

  Africa really think like they don't need [TS]

  to know it's Christmas that's not the [TS]

  point now and so from my from my [TS]

  experience as a traveler right [TS]

  everywhere you go no matter how much [TS]

  money people have they are like they are [TS]

  a super like glad to be in love they [TS]

  love music and dance they are glad for [TS]

  the food that they get and the then the [TS]

  proportion of people that are love that [TS]

  are literally starving is you know is [TS]

  you wish that you could do something for [TS]

  them but most people that are living on [TS]

  a dollar-a-day have a quality of life [TS]

  that maybe surpasses the quality of life [TS]

  that you have if you're making two [TS]

  hundred thousand dollars a year and live [TS]

  alone in a you know in a cold heart [TS]

  filled the condo downtown and have no [TS]

  friends and spend all day on the [TS]

  internet yelling at people behind an egg [TS]

  avatar like to live in a bit village [TS]

  where your heart has dirt dirt floor but [TS]

  you're surrounded by people you love and [TS]

  just from a strictly human standpoint [TS]

  your quality of life is higher and our [TS]

  rich condescension to to those people is [TS]

  is pathetic [TS]

  we don't realize how much we have [TS]

  destroyed our quality of life because of [TS]

  our wealth and you know you say [TS]

  greenwich village and cast the castro [TS]

  but I don't know if I've ever told the [TS]

  story of my first exposure to a gay bar [TS]

  and it was in anchorage in about [TS]

  nineteen eighty-five and light now if [TS]

  you have a remember my friend Kalin I [TS]

  were out at night driving around call [TS]

  you tell Ellen I were up there and we [TS]

  were just looking for trouble and in [TS]

  anchorage in the eighties the gay bars [TS]

  were all very subdued on the outside [TS]

  they didn't mean there was one that with [TS]

  everybody knew was the main sort of gay [TS]

  bar that you would drive by and kind of [TS]

  look at like there's the gay bar but [TS]

  there are other gay bars and they were [TS]

  just you know they they played it pretty [TS]

  suddenly they weren't called like cuffs [TS]

  or anything they were just like you know [TS]

  smaller little little pubs and taverns [TS]

  and kill an hour drive around downtown [TS]

  was two o'clock in the morning and I you [TS]

  know we used to do this all the time [TS]

  just looking for something anything you [TS]

  know looking for something that isn't [TS]

  nailed down driving along we see this [TS]

  bar emptying out it's 2am and everyone [TS]

  in the bar is coming out at the same [TS]

  time and there's probably 50 people [TS]

  pouring out of this bar and as we drive [TS]

  by we see that the people coming out of [TS]

  this bar are of it's a very colorful [TS]

  cast of people and so we pull over and [TS]

  we're like what the hell is going on in [TS]

  that bar and we we park kind of in the [TS]

  shadows and we see that we had gradually [TS]

  dogs on us like up there [TS]

  ok everyone that's coming out of that [TS]

  bars gay happen they're behaving very [TS]

  flamboyant a lot of them flamboyantly [TS]

  like I my yard and the whole you're [TS]

  seeing it all unfold and I had a gay [TS]

  friend in high school who was like a [TS]

  lovely guy and that but I had never [TS]

  experienced a whole room of people all [TS]

  coming out and it becomes obvious that [TS]

  there that the conversation is [TS]

  continuing in the parking lot and [TS]

  they're making plans [TS]

  two go two up there making plans to go [TS]

  to a party and we're seeing all this [TS]

  from across the street and like they're [TS]

  all getting in their cars and then one [TS]

  by one their cars all leave the parking [TS]

  lot and all head off together in a [TS]

  convoy and you know this is like a [TS]

  lower-middle-class bar so they're pintos [TS]

  and you know k cars and stuff it's not [TS]

  like a it's not like a glamorous scene [TS]

  but they all had often in a parade and [TS]

  Callen I just instinctively like start [TS]

  the car follow the parade and so off we [TS]

  go [TS]

  it's two in the morning there's nobody [TS]

  on the street there's a parade of nine [TS]

  cars or something and then tell and I [TS]

  back a quarter of a mile behind [TS]

  following along and the parade goes off [TS]

  and off into the suburbs than off always [TS]

  the Eagle River like outside of [TS]

  Anchorage and we're just following the [TS]

  whole time like what is going to happen [TS]

  what is going to happen and they go into [TS]

  this neighborhood wind their way and [TS]

  come to a little house and everybody [TS]

  parks on the street outside and they all [TS]

  piled out of their cars and into this [TS]

  little house and can i park across the [TS]

  street and we watch the whole party and [TS]

  it's very fun everybody's having a good [TS]

  time they all know each other [TS]

  pour into this house and we're sitting [TS]

  across the street and were like whoa [TS]

  what we do now [TS]

  like what do we do and we both wanted to [TS]

  go to the party and so we look at each [TS]

  other and you know we're highschool kids [TS]

  and this is a risky moment because it's [TS]

  like you want to go to the party [TS]

  yes I kind of do you want to the party [TS]

  yes but this is in a time and in a [TS]

  culture when it was it was just [TS]

  commonplace for being the biggest put [TS]

  down you could say to a guy was like [TS]

  you're a fag and now we're sitting here [TS]

  across the street from this party and [TS]

  we're like let's go [TS]

  so we pile out of the car march across [TS]

  the lawn knock on the door [TS]

  and everybody in the party that was [TS]

  invited to the party is already in the [TS]

  party so the party gets quiet you can [TS]

  hear it like who's at the door and they [TS]

  opened the door and here are these two [TS]

  highschool boys and we said can we come [TS]

  to your party and they said sure and [TS]

  invited us in and the party picks back [TS]

  up again but everyone in the party is [TS]

  like who are you where did you come from [TS]

  how did you find our party and so we [TS]

  just copped to it [TS]

  we're parked across the street from your [TS]

  bar we saw everybody come out and we [TS]

  followed you and now we're here and we [TS]

  were completely embraced everything they [TS]

  had so many questions about being a [TS]

  straight high school boy and we had so [TS]

  many questions about like like who like [TS]

  she is obviously a boy and she's just [TS]

  like a girl [TS]

  what is that and and big laugh and then [TS]

  everybody explains and it was Anchorage [TS]

  gay culture in the eighties so this was [TS]

  a bar that was like it wasn't a drag bar [TS]

  it wasn't a dyke bar everybody was there [TS]

  right i mean there were lesbians at this [TS]

  party there it was a complete rainbow of [TS]

  of what represented like gay and [TS]

  alternative culture because they were [TS]

  also straight like friends of gay people [TS]

  at this party wasn't really like dots [TS]

  yeah i mean the whole I mean they [TS]

  weren't they were gay Goths right i mean [TS]

  it wasn't like also a golf bar but it [TS]

  was an incredible night and the whole [TS]

  thing was for me like also fraught with [TS]

  sexual tension because was like what's [TS]

  going to happen I don't know where we [TS]

  were taught that a that part of gay [TS]

  culture was that was a promiscuity and [TS]

  so r is this a promiscuous party and I'm [TS]

  I'm a virgin I'm desperate to have sex [TS]

  with somebody but it I don't is it going [TS]

  to happen tonight [TS]

  I don't know what with the context be [TS]

  who here is who here are my most [TS]

  attracted to [TS]

  are they attracted to me [TS]

  and there was a lot of flirtation but it [TS]

  was this expect for me like this [TS]

  shattering moment where I realized there [TS]

  were subcultures that weren't just park [TS]

  because I knew about punk subculture and [TS]

  I was a you know a reluctant like [TS]

  scowling adjacent punk because my sister [TS]

  was Punk and I was her escort and so you [TS]

  know i went to every punk show that was [TS]

  ever in anchorage but i always was [TS]

  leaning against the back wall going [TS]

  this is bullshit but i was there you [TS]

  know what I loved it but here was a [TS]

  subculture that wasn't punk that also [TS]

  felt permanent like it was this was what [TS]

  if it's not like c32 felt like one it's [TS]

  not sturdy yeah it felt sturdy there was [TS]

  a tremendous sense of belonging and [TS]

  inclusiveness within it and at you and [TS]

  both Kelly and I felt some Envy at the [TS]

  amount of love that you know 11 [TS]

  acceptance that was sort of that [TS]

  permeated this small party of very [TS]

  different people you know they there [TS]

  wasn't a there wasn't a single gay a [TS]

  single type of gay it was every kind of [TS]

  person at this party right and you know [TS]

  and that was a lightning bolt for me [TS]

  that from then on I you know personally [TS]

  at them had no had no prejudice and [TS]

  before that I had the prejudice of [TS]

  ignorance and after that I was just like [TS]

  well what happen if you say if you say [TS]

  anything about gays it's just because [TS]

  you don't know anything about them and [TS]

  in my first job when I got to seattle [TS]

  was in the gay bar so it was like it [TS]

  wasn't just the castro [TS]

  every little town had this going on and [TS]

  I think in the Midwest and in the red [TS]

  states now that's still true if you're [TS]

  you know if you're in Missouri or you're [TS]

  in Kansas there are there still is this [TS]

  bar and there still is that party and [TS]

  from the castro or from Seattle we look [TS]

  at it we go oh my god and because there [TS]

  is violence directed at those [TS]

  populations we imagined that their whole [TS]

  existence is characterized by fear and [TS]

  violence but it isn't you know the [TS]

  violence and the and the hatred and the [TS]

  exclusion are are they don't actually [TS]

  impact what it's like to be in that [TS]

  space in a way all that hostility [TS]

  creates that the love and solidarity in [TS]

  that space and that's a hard thing to I [TS]

  think for everybody in that room if they [TS]

  were completely mainstreamed that would [TS]

  be lost and that's me and that's the [TS]

  thing that in the pursuit of like total [TS]

  liberation and and I would never from [TS]

  outside say that if that was preferable [TS]

  right I can't say that I can't know that [TS]

  obviously you want to be able to walk [TS]

  down the street and and be yourself and [TS]

  not be assaulted but whatever that small [TS]

  and punk rock used to be like that to [TS]

  you know you were at risk when you're [TS]

  out in public wearing a mohawk that some [TS]

  rednecks are gonna be your ass and that [TS]

  was part of you know that was part of [TS]

  what made punk rock so amazing from [TS]

  within [TS]

  and you know I'm not a risk of getting [TS]

  my ass beat and never was but at a [TS]

  partly I felt envy for the four like the [TS]

  small community that I never would have [TS]

  access to really unless I was unless I [TS]

  was faking it you know yeah yeah um I it [TS]

  sit it on the one hand it sounds [TS]

  probably kind of odd or ironic for [TS]

  somebody like you or me to say you feel [TS]

  Envy for that because one reason people [TS]

  end up finding those little cur asses [TS]

  and life is because maybe oftentimes [TS]

  they don't have anybody else and and [TS]

  also to your point that you you are [TS]

  right i mean obviously when you go to a [TS]

  big town is going to be gay bars there [TS]

  were times where I just I didn't know [TS]

  bars for gay bars because I didn't know [TS]

  what to look for i don't even know what [TS]

  it really meant but also that I mean I [TS]

  think one thing is like we were sort of [TS]

  raised once you knew it gave our was you [TS]

  figured as a place where much just men [TS]

  were having sex in the bathroom and [TS]

  that's not what it was and it could be [TS]

  but it was it was just a place a could [TS]

  just be a safe place it could be a fun [TS]

  place to place [TS]

  yeah being I'm not trying to finalize [TS]

  anybody here I'm feel like I'm getting a [TS]

  little dangerous i don't want to make [TS]

  anybody adorable to fit my narrative [TS]

  just people and it's nice to be around [TS]

  people we can do you do your thing and [TS]

  be who you want to be without as you say [TS]

  for getting your ass kicked [TS]

  I don't think it has to be that dramatic [TS]

  just in any town I guess I'm thinking in [TS]

  particular towns in Florida where I [TS]

  lived where it would be you know two [TS]

  years before I forget about the gay bar [TS]

  i didn't i didn't get hot you know I [TS]

  mean that there was it wasn't it wasn't [TS]

  it wasn't called like the third knuckle [TS]

  or something [TS]

  it was just called gyms or whatever and [TS]

  like right there wasn't it wasn't what [TS]

  you thought of from like chick [TS]

  publications and Quincy like that [TS]

  this is it's it's not anyway I just [TS]

  think it is interesting to think about [TS]

  that everybody wants a place that you [TS]

  didn't even know existed [TS]

  I think we've all gotten that likely [TS]

  even if you're just a little bit of a [TS]

  geek and you find you know geek friends [TS]

  or for some kids could be Scouts [TS]

  don't know like whatever it is it could [TS]

  be could be a christian church but like [TS]

  to find some place that feels welcoming [TS]

  and it is not asking you to capitulate [TS]

  and in fact not asking you to capitulate [TS]

  on your personality but say tell me more [TS]

  about your personality like that's okay [TS]

  here [TS]

  like what and you can you first meet up [TS]

  with somebody who like knows this nerd [TS]

  thing and they know it more than you [TS]

  it's it's warm and tumbling and it's [TS]

  weird and you're like where has this [TS]

  been for my whole life and it's it's the [TS]

  best and you know tourists tourists but [TS]

  notwithstanding its still a wonderful [TS]

  thing dockers notwithstanding it's still [TS]

  really nice to like have a place where [TS]

  you can go and feel like you're more [TS]

  yourself than you were before you found [TS]

  it it seems like a more natural human [TS]

  State and this is why I kind of [TS]

  connected to this idea that that do they [TS]

  know it's christmas is so it's just so [TS]

  rude [TS]

  who let alone destructive because cities [TS]

  are unnatural agglomeration of people [TS]

  there were tribes make more sense [TS]

  yeah just a family of us if any of us in [TS]

  any walk of life could say that we had [TS]

  50 close friends 50 people close to us [TS]

  including family distant relatives and [TS]

  friends fellow villagers like there's [TS]

  nothing any of us want more [TS]

  you can't sustain a hundred close [TS]

  friends 50 is this maxing out and if you [TS]

  live in a 200-person village and you [TS]

  have let's say 30 rivals 50 people that [TS]

  are in your family and our close friends [TS]

  and then you know some other people that [TS]

  are shared the village but you know [TS]

  every single one of their names and you [TS]

  and at night everyone gathers around the [TS]

  the in their respective little compounds [TS]

  gathers around the fire and tell stories [TS]

  and things like that is the natural [TS]

  state of human beings and to be living [TS]

  each in our own you know it in our [TS]

  nuclear family in are under nuclear [TS]

  family in our in our a closed-door homes [TS]

  where we don't know our neighbors names [TS]

  that is the pathology and and two [TS]

  to imagine that freedom means that every [TS]

  one of 300 million people accepts me [TS]

  utterly and unreservedly is 0 is a [TS]

  modern like misapprehension yeah that [TS]

  that the feeling within your village of [TS]

  300 people and how it relates to the [TS]

  village of 300 people that is a mile and [TS]

  a half down the road like there's [TS]

  friendship there but also competition [TS]

  and in some cases you go 10 miles down [TS]

  the road maybe there's a tremendous lack [TS]

  of understanding i've told you about it [TS]

  when I walked across Europe and every [TS]

  single village as I headed east [TS]

  the villagers in and this is in Germany [TS]

  this isn't in you know pakistan i mean [TS]

  this is in this is in the center of what [TS]

  you develop Central's yeah what yeah and [TS]

  what you deserve the hyper developed [TS]

  world people would say oh well you know [TS]

  you're headed tomorrow you're going to [TS]

  cross into bavaria and watch out for [TS]

  those people today they are animal wow [TS]

  and and then and everyone in Germany was [TS]

  like do you know when you get into the [TS]

  Czech Republic watch out because if they [TS]

  are all like pickpockets and then the [TS]

  checks felt that way about this about [TS]

  the slow box and the slow box felt that [TS]

  way about the Hungarians and everyone [TS]

  agreed that the Romanians were all [TS]

  pickpockets and I was just I was it was [TS]

  just incredible to dig the the sense [TS]

  that as you moved East there was [TS]

  continual suspicion of the people that [TS]

  lived 100 miles east like like lasting [TS]

  thousand-year-old that they're more [TS]

  suction more primitive and dishonest [TS]

  yeah like closer to closer to some sort [TS]

  of like slovak agrarianism and then in [TS]

  and buy that by virtue of that their [TS]

  water is bad their churches bad their [TS]

  intentions are bad [TS]

  and from one german village to the next [TS]

  i was i just found this to be like [TS]

  incredible than the the people in the [TS]

  northwest of Germany felt the people in [TS]

  the south is using the people in the [TS]

  West about you [TS]

  yeah and I am what I don't know is if I [TS]

  had been walking the other way from east [TS]

  to west [TS]

  I just think that the snobs well yeah [TS]

  that's right like oh well you know if [TS]

  you had east from here you're not gonna [TS]

  be able to afford to get a dinner [TS]

  because they're idiots they pay this [TS]

  much you know for pork or whatever [TS]

  well no there's never there's I i found [TS]

  there was never that amount of knowledge [TS]

  the knowledge was confined to a little [TS]

  folk wisdom about what we know about [TS]

  these people [TS]

  notnot that because they're there are [TS]

  enough people from the east to have gone [TS]

  west and come back now what they know is [TS]

  everyone in Germany gets a thousand [TS]

  deutsche marks a month from the [TS]

  government and they say that from the [TS]

  perspective of uh of their own village [TS]

  where 10 Deutschmarks would make a huge [TS]

  difference in in there month you know [TS]

  like 10 Deutschmarks would enable them [TS]

  to to buy a car or to live in a nicer [TS]

  apartment and so they've heard in [TS]

  Germany everyone gets a thousand [TS]

  deutsche marks a month free from the [TS]

  government and what they don't realize [TS]

  is that a pack of cigarettes in Romania [TS]

  costs twenty-five cents impact our tents [TS]

  and send a pack of cigarettes in germany [TS]

  called six dollars there's no that [TS]

  there's an understanding of how much [TS]

  money there is but not understanding [TS]

  that there's a co measure increase in [TS]

  cost and difficulty and so that's the [TS]

  that's the experience you have I think [TS]

  moving east to west and moving west to [TS]

  east is just like the people there are [TS]

  so poor that they that they have to [TS]

  resort to stealing and they have no [TS]

  education and as a traveler moving [TS]

  through those spaces at a walking pace [TS]

  I mean you do see the changes their [TS]

  their enormous but you also feel like I [TS]

  mean there's a lot more [TS]

  community in Romania then there will [TS]

  ever be in germany and in the end like [TS]

  which do you want [TS]

  i know i am i partly I i feel like i [TS]

  have a funny side door into gay culture [TS]

  because i did not have a surpassing [TS]

  number [TS]

  hey I had some in the closet ish friends [TS]

  where we didn't talk about it in high [TS]

  school but very few but I i did have [TS]

  gained by friends in college but it was [TS]

  not like a big part of my own culture is [TS]

  music that got me into it cuz that's [TS]

  where on the one hand for several years [TS]

  when I was most in the music in my life [TS]

  it was often gay bars that would have [TS]

  what was then called new wave night [TS]

  I'm but even if you didn't go on newegg [TS]

  night is where they would play just [TS]

  really good dance music that's gay bars [TS]

  is where that was happening and you know [TS]

  for me it was not any kind of like Oh a [TS]

  furtive gesture against Frank culture [TS]

  necessarily just that was a better bar [TS]

  to go to their pretty tolerant of these [TS]

  dorks coming in and messing up the place [TS]

  on tuesday nights but like that was that [TS]

  was for me that was an early exposure to [TS]

  large numbers of gay people and you [TS]

  realize hey you know they're pretty [TS]

  harmless they're not [TS]

  no they're not but hey they got inside [TS]

  me and changed me forever I wouldn't say [TS]

  they were harmless you gotta stay away [TS]

  from the Anchorage gays gonna give you [TS]

  an American girl hot [TS]

  yeah okay here's the thing so you're [TS]

  already the costly part is taking care [TS]

  of you got the tall just go the american [TS]

  girl doll store very soft hair [TS]

  yeah oh yeah oh yeah you should brush it [TS]

  though you know you gotta pressure but [TS]

  but you know just what it's worth the [TS]

  the target stores they sell a line I [TS]

  forget what it's called but you'll [TS]

  definitely know when you see it they [TS]

  sell a line of accessories and tableau [TS]

  and close that just just so happened to [TS]

  exactly fit american girl dolls and they [TS]

  are a lot less expensive tell me what [TS]

  their how are they branded i forget the [TS]

  name of it but you go to go [TS]

  going you'll see like you know you'll [TS]

  you'll instantly recognized I know the [TS]

  name of it but like if you want a less [TS]

  costly option and you want you want to [TS]

  be a hero in or have sent to be a hero [TS]

  that's a that's a good that's a good [TS]

  American girl hack now the store you can [TS]

  go it's fun you go to the store you can [TS]

  have tea with your doll also the the [TS]

  restrooms have a place to put your doll [TS]

  while you're using the bathroom when [TS]

  you're saying that there are american [TS]

  girl doll store with the thing that's a [TS]

  whole thing there's books my daughter's [TS]

  read the books you can read about your [TS]

  doll like my her favorite doll Rebecca [TS]

  is a their Jewish emigrate immigrant [TS]

  family [TS]

  mm-hmm and they're trying to bring more [TS]

  the family back from Russia and a lot of [TS]

  drama monkey breaks his ankle no [TS]

  spoilers [TS]

  she's very excited about the about the [TS]

  books but yeah now it's the whole thing [TS]

  in the stores or I mean my daughter gets [TS]

  to go there mom takes are there for her [TS]

  birthday [TS]

  that's like a big event every year I'm [TS]

  not your search to get you don't need to [TS]

  get into their brand as long as target [TS]

  is getting there getting away with [TS]

  murder with these things because you can [TS]

  get really cool stuff that just happens [TS]

  to fit an American Girl doll at their [TS]

  stores you know one of our one of our [TS]

  earliest children's books here was about [TS]

  a young girl from from a shtetl sort of [TS]

  a 19th century a like village I have to [TS]

  assume in Poland whose rabbi has a [TS]

  certain amount of opportunity to send [TS]

  one person from the village to America [TS]

  and in his rabbinical wisdom he picks [TS]

  this orphan girl who lives with her [TS]

  grandmother and says you will and she's [TS]

  she her grandmother's taught her out of [TS]

  so lace and he says you are i'm going to [TS]

  be interesting Rebecca's family makes [TS]

  doilies that's how they can afford to [TS]

  bring people over from Russia cost [TS]

  thirty dollars to bring from mushrooms a [TS]

  lot of money [TS]

  yeah interesting that and and so she's [TS]

  very scared [TS]

  obviously and she e-mailed that she [TS]

  makes the trip and she gets to America [TS]

  and there's a there that she has a [TS]

  relative there who [TS]

  or you know or friend of a friend who [TS]

  put her to work [TS]

  sewing in the in some sort of like [TS]

  wedding dress capacity and she's [TS]

  recognized as a as a great for you know [TS]

  a really good seamstress so everyone [TS]

  treats are kindly in that culture and [TS]

  she saves up enough money and and she [TS]

  she meets a nice boy on the on the ship [TS]

  across the the passage and they don't [TS]

  wanna you know I don't want to ruin the [TS]

  horsley but eventually she uh you know [TS]

  shy i am going to ruin that for instance [TS]

  it doesn't matter but she saves up [TS]

  enough money to bring her grandmother [TS]

  over to America and even though that [TS]

  seems like kind of a wasted effort [TS]

  because your grandmother is a little [TS]

  lady and is just gonna come to America [TS]

  and be a burden and and she should have [TS]

  been left in Poland it's a wonderful end [TS]

  to the book because it shows you how [TS]

  lovely the girl is and we got this book [TS]

  pretty early on I i was at i was at [TS]

  powell's books in portland and i saw [TS]

  this book and I said you know I am a [TS]

  dude a file and this seems like a fun [TS]

  story of fun way to introduce Marlo to [TS]

  the eastern european history my [TS]

  particular interest and I read this book [TS]

  for and I was sobbing by the end Wow and [TS]

  that's what the principal called uh [TS]

  let's see i have it on young take out [TS]

  that you let me know i love to see that [TS]

  yeah i'm bad at remembering the titles [TS]

  of books and then everyone who's ever [TS]

  read the book also sobs and I've read [TS]

  the book 40 times and I continue to [TS]

  choke up at the end and I don't know [TS]

  what to do about it [TS]

  I shouldn't still be crying about this [TS]

  bill and you know my daughter loves it [TS]

  and once it read to her [TS]

  and i don't know like I don't know where [TS]

  to find other children's books that are [TS]

  of this quality because it's it's a book [TS]

  that she'll be able to read and enjoy [TS]

  when she's 10 but also i read it to her [TS]

  when she was 4 and she'll she loves the [TS]

  story you know she'll she'll love the [TS]

  story over the course of her life and I [TS]

  don't know you know like go the fuck to [TS]

  sleep by adam mansbach is not a book [TS]

  maybe she'll love it when she's 19 [TS]

  I read it to her a couple of times and [TS]

  until she was at the age where she was [TS]

  like what is that word that you keep [TS]

  skipping over and it's like well this [TS]

  book's going in the closet [TS]

  yeah my daughter recently read a good [TS]

  one [TS]

  she's reading after school fuck just [TS]

  finished the about a little boy in [TS]

  Japanese Japanese internment camp know [TS]

  she really enjoyed that I mean these are [TS]

  some of the these are some of the but [TS]

  good things that we didn't have to read [TS]

  these until they're ready for fairy [TS]

  tales shit is scary [TS]

  right right i have never read her any [TS]

  kind of grim got a reader [TS]

  Rumpelstiltskin it's so bad he stamped [TS]

  his foot and he carries himself into [TS]

  hahaha just like me [TS]

  happy holidays [TS]

  her mother [TS]